Changing my Life

"If I change my thinking, I will change my feelings.. 

If I change my feelings, I will change my actions...

If I change my actions, I will change my life..." 

(- Messies Anonymous)

Yes, it's all about wanting to change my life.  I think people are in an endless struggle to change their lives.  There will always be an aspect in our lives that is beyond our control.  So we indulge in that endless conquest of trying to gain power over that - and more often than not, end up failing nevertheless.  Only to realize that the only things we have control over are the matters that are well within our control.


I have paranoia about people always thinking ill of me.  I know. Years have passed and by now, the healthy attitude would've been to start believing that their opinion do not matter anymore.


But as one gets older (ehem!) one realizes that immediate family members become extensions of themselves.  In other words, I can choose to disregard people's opinions but not at the expense of my family feeling hurt and/ or humiliated.  I can be tough and rough.  But my family -- 


Hence, I should always be cautious in anything I do.  Careful not to commit mistakes that could lead to disaster.


Hah!  What optimism.


I shall now undertake to change my thinking and focus on the good vibes this promising year offers.  


People are busy with so many other personal conerns--enough to be bothered by mine.  Then I should stop vexing myself with this useless paranoia.  Having a changed sentiment,  I should also start living it. How does a carefree, happy soul live?  Its about time I find out.  With a life changed, I should be okay.


But it all boils to down to it being easier said than done. Hahah!