Diminished

It’s been six days and she still hasn’t come home. We were never close. As a matter of fact, she seemed forever oblivious of my existence. Of course she knew me to be her niece.  But we never got to bond as an aunt-niece would.  Afterall, she and mom are just first cousins.  But you see, when we got news that she was among those declared missing in the devastation of typhoon Yolanda at Tacloban City, I sobbed.  A sharp and almost unreal pain hit me.  I could not believe I had a relative who was actually a victim…

Friday morning, November 8^th, she along with her husband and second child were still inside the premises of their family-owned restaurant located within the Tacloban City Airport.  She was reportedly on the phone with her sister at 5am saying the storm wasn’t as strong as it was first reported.  By 7am, she was on the phone again, this time to report that the winds and the rains were indeed strong.  But she didn’t seem alarmed or scared at all so her call did not cause concern.

Saturday afternoon, her sister in Manila received a call from my cousin, my Aunt’s second child, that they were already in Cebu having been rescued by some military personnel….and that his mother could no longer be found.

And that was it.  All the relatives have been informed and have been asked to fervently pray that Tita may have survived…

Days passed and still no news. And over and over and over again, the TV news showed how much devastation has actually occurred in the hardly hit areas – especially Tacloban.  Dead people are strewn all over the place.  The whole city has seven been declared unsanitary already because the decomposing bodies of the victims lie rotting beneath the pile of debris and garbage and have not yet been retrieved  by the authorities yet.  The whole scenario was chaotic, very much a semblance of the apocalyptic movies conjured up by some director/writer’s wild imagination.  Everything seemed unreal.

But my Tita still hasn’t come home.  Her husband’s last glimpse of her was on that Friday morning itself….as they waded through the flood waters brought by the storm surge.  He and their son were able to cling on to a sturdy post but Tita got washed away by the raging waters. 

To see her son’s post at Google Yolanda Person Finder breaks my heart.  I cannot imagine the feeling of having to look for a missing parent. 

But yes, others have lost their entire family.  Many still have lost many more relatives.  One thing I just realized though is that no matter how many loved-ones has been lost in that tragedy, a loss is still a loss.  It is painful --  achingly painful, and the lives of those who lost them is never ever the same again. For as John Donne aptly wrote:

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were:

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind,

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; 

It tolls for thee. 

John Donne

I am diminished by the lives lost in that catastrophe.  But for now, I could only hope, that anytime soon, I'll be able to hear the happy news that my Tita has come home.

Open Happiness!

“I-celebrate ta kabuhi ta, kay naka-survive kita kay Yolanda!”
(“Let’s celebrate our lives, because we survived [typhoon] Yolanda!”)



Lola Rosing (left), 88 years old, and Lola Mama (right)92 years old, are soo glad to have emerged unscathed after typhoon Yolanda (the strongest tropical cyclone on record to make landfall in world history) hit Iloilo at Signal Number 4 yesterday, November 8, 2013. They asked to buy them “Koks” (Coke) but they weren’t available at the store. (So we got them Sprite and Royal instead.) This is their happy little reunion. Their happy little celebration. And their indomitable spirits live on!

Serving Two Masters...

Today’s flag ceremony was sponsored by the X Department and cited the observance of the Values Month.  One of the chiefs of the agency was made to discuss which value she esteems highly and would like others to also demonstrate.  She answered, “hard-work.”  She then discussed the importance of hard-work in accomplishing the tasks on hand.  Hard-work, according to her, is what brought her to her present position as well as those who are also now serving their high posts in the agency.

I looked around to see if any of my colleagues shared the boss’ sentiment.  I hardly saw any nod of agreement.  And I understand why.

The past few weeks since I started working in this esteemed institution, I have been in shock. But my acculturation isn’t over yet.  I am torn between adulation, confusion, frustration, as well as disillusionment.   

My adulation for the agency stemmed from the fact that everyone in the office literally labors hard.  Unlike my previous exposure in the Judiciary where employees waste their while most of the time, our government agency truly consists of hard-workers.  They don’t have siestas here, hardly rest even during lunch breaks, and seldom engage in any chitchat.  Their office hours do not begin at 8am.  Neither does it end at 5pm.  They are mindless of the time when they work.  Many even sleep in the office and stay late doing whatever needs to be done.

But that is why I am confused…

I am confused because being government employees, my colleagues know that they don’t get overtime pay.  And yet, they work unmindful of the clock.  They even work on weekends.  I’ve been told that this while they are not being forced to work this much, they feel a strong sense of obligation nevertheless to work hard and finish their tasks as soon as they else, they will have compounded tasks.

Being such, my co-workers don’t get to spend much time anymore with their families.  Many mothers leave their children to the care of others, a nanny or a close relative who is their substitute.  And I am frustrated.

I thought a career is important because it is where a parent can earn subsistence to support his family.  But if a career becomes this demanding, will the financial (or even professional) rewards outweigh the neglect and absence that the family has to naturally suffer brought about by an unavailable parent?

I do not know well my colleagues yet.  I have no idea how they raised their children or if they are happy and content with their family lives.  But at this stage of my adjustment, I am already disillusioned.  I cannot comprehend how a mother can remain active, available, and responsible to her children and at the same time manage a “fulfilling,” successful, and “happy” career in this work environment.  True, one may lead a successful career, earn the respect and reverence of colleagues and the society, and even be recognized by the world as a model employee…but if she fails at her God-given task of being a good and responsible parent, will all those successes be enough?

I once remember someone saying somewhere that “no amount of success outside can compensate for one’s failure at home.”  I believe that with all my heart.  Even the scriptures warn that “One cannot serve two masters at the same time…” (Matthew 6:24). 

I do not wish to preempt anything.  I just wish to remain steadfast in my convictions.  So if time would come when I must choose which master to serve, I most definitely will choose the career where I will never retire, will never be promoted, will never be paid: that of being a parent.