A batchmate dropped by Mama’s wake and as courtesy, I obliged
myself to entertain her. Then, bluntly,
she began to sneer at my being single insisting that I’m likely a loser because
unlike my younger siblings who are now all married, I am not yet “settled.”
I was flabbergasted. For a while, I was completely unable to
say anything. It was my first time to be
brusquely berated on the basis of my “failure to find a spouse.”
It didn’t matter that my paycheck is a lot bigger than hers,
or that i have a graduate and post-undergrad degrees attached to my name, or
that while I may be advanced in pounds, I am not inferior in looks (modesty
aside), or that I have gone places, published several manuscripts, spoke in
huge engagements, trained champions, sent my sisters to school, adored by hundreds
of students when I was a teacher or that I am doing something noble right now…
Oh God, none of my accomplishments matter. None! And
it’s all because I am a woman who still bears my father’s name.
Ironically, we were speaking at the wake of one exemplary
woman, my own dear grandaunt, who, despite being single, has lived a full life!
She was never married but she bore her father’s name with pride. For while she never bore kids of her own,
everyone loved her like their own mother. Afterall, she was everyone’s “mama.”
She was never bitter nor resentful. Always
forgiving, always understanding. And she
loved our imperfections perfectly. She embraced
her single-blessedness completely and devoted the rest of her life loving the
people around her unconditionally. Perhaps
she would have accomplished more had she married. But it was the fact that she was single that
made her more dear and lovable.
My “happily married” batchmate probably feels a strong sense
of supremacy over me because unlike her, my sisters, or the majority of my
female batchmates, I am still single. But,
if truth be told, do single women like me have a choice? I mean, seriously? Can
we take the initiative and ask out any man we like to marry us if only to “escape”
singlehood?
Not many people realize that marriage isn’t for
everyone. And that while normally, a woman
my age should already be a missus, I am not abnormal.
I am just unique. For while I take delight
in seeing my sisters bask in marriage bliss, I, like my Mama, still feel
blessed.
I just wish people could stop nurturing negativity by dismissing
the notion that one needs a hubby (or a wifey) in order to be happy.
