It was 230am. I decided to drive this stranger home since my uncle who was his friend was already too drunk to drive. I never thought that guy would turn out to be an a**hole. He seemed pretty decent earlier. Only seconds after he took the front seat, he started acting strange.
Since he only lived a few blocks away from us, I managed to stay calm knowing that if I could not put the situation under my control, i could always scream for help and the entire village would be awake. Just as he was about to grab me from the driver's seat, i jolted and announced someone from their house was out to meet him.
I was shivering out of fear and disgust. Still, he remained in the car for a few more secs trying to figure what he wants perhaps. Slowly, he got off and I swear i could have driven away immediately if not for the car engine which died on me.
The guy was grinning a devilish grin and to me, it seemed he was enjoying the fear and anxiety he sensed. Yes, even when he was drunk and I was totally sober.
I got home shivering but unscathed. I burst into tears and immediately told my mom and uncle about what happened.
From what it seemed, it was pretty trivial. Nevertheless, that few seconds close encounter with the devil in a man left me several lasting realizations.
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One, my self esteem isn't as strong as I thought it is. For a moment I felt totally like a j*rk thinking what if the guy gets back at me and tells me I was never his type? I am fat, old, and ugly. There was no way a guy like him would be attracted to me.
On the otherhand, I thought, even if I happened to be the ugliest, lamest b*tch to walk this earth, that was no reason for anyone to violate me. Neither is it an excuse for anyone at all to transgress me.
So yes, my self-esteem may be way below average but that guy is still a jerk. Any man who treats a woman less doesn't deserve any sympathy. Might as well vanish from the face of the earth.
Second, I am susceptible to harm. Not because I am a woman who lives alone for the most part. But mainly because this world is filled with bad guys -- just as it is filled with good. Meaning, I have to always be on guard. If there's impending danger, I might as well avoid it or muster enough courage to thwart it, at the very least. I am that guy did not succeed in doing me harm but he did succeed in instilling in me a stronger sense of awareness. He lives only a few blocks away from us. I should never be complacent.
Third, I should master some kind of self defense. I have always proclaimed my lack of skill in handling a weapon but yes, I sleep with a knife and a 9mm - which I never knew how to manipulate. My sister suggested I should get a baseball bat in the bedroom at least. A knife's range is shorter, a baseball bat's is longer. But knowing how to aim and fire the 9mm is always essential.
This is real life. It's about time I should learn target shooting.
Jesus be my Guide and my Guard.
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