Suicide

News about Jolo Revilla's accidental firing which resulted to a serious self-inflicted injury earned so much criticism in the social media.  Of course, many refused to consider his claim plausible. What bothered me though are the many who actually took time to post about their criticism of Jolo and of his story.  Many even called him stupid for even attempting to mislead the "intelligent" public by giving a false statement.

But you see, if a non-celebrity like me, tried to kill myself and failed, i will most probably tell the same story: that i was cleaning my gun and fired it accidentally. I know such claim will elicit disbelief but, isn't that the most "logical" recourse under the circumstances? The point is, so what if he's lying? If his life, or mine for that matter, doesn't matter to you (or to anybody)  so much so that you'd rather wish him/me dead, so what?  Why does news of failed suicide attempts enrage people?  

People who attempt to kill themselves have the greatest guts no other sane man will ever understand...that is, until he does the same.  

In the few moments I made such attempt, i was least proud of myself.  Over and over again, i came to realize that the more I try to end my life, the more weak I actually was!  I just did not have the courage to actually pull the trigger or slash my wrists.  I was a coward.  I was a weakling.  And ironically, I found myself confronting my issues not because I felt "strong" but simply because I was too weak to simply put an end to  everything -- in a snap.

So if I hear news about people killing themselves or making such attempt, my heart goes out to them.  No one, as in no one at all, knows exactly how it is to feel completely powerless and inept to face the issues that make life or mere survival, rational.

I should know.  I've been there.