Monday, May 5, 2014

In order to be Happy

A batchmate dropped by Mama’s wake and as courtesy, I obliged myself to entertain her.  Then, bluntly, she began to sneer at my being single insisting that I’m likely a loser because unlike my younger siblings who are now all married, I am not yet “settled.”

I was flabbergasted. For a while, I was completely unable to say anything.  It was my first time to be brusquely berated on the basis of my “failure to find a spouse.” 

It didn’t matter that my paycheck is a lot bigger than hers, or that i have a graduate and post-undergrad degrees attached to my name, or that while I may be advanced in pounds, I am not inferior in looks (modesty aside), or that I have gone places, published several manuscripts, spoke in huge engagements, trained champions, sent my sisters to school, adored by hundreds of students when I was a teacher or that I am doing something noble right now…

Oh God, none of my accomplishments matter.  None!  And it’s all because I am a woman who still bears my father’s name. 

Ironically, we were speaking at the wake of one exemplary woman, my own dear grandaunt, who, despite being single, has lived a full life! She was never married but she bore her father’s name with pride.  For while she never bore kids of her own, everyone loved her like their own mother. Afterall, she was everyone’s “mama.” She was never bitter nor resentful.  Always forgiving, always understanding.  And she loved our imperfections perfectly.  She embraced her single-blessedness completely and devoted the rest of her life loving the people around her unconditionally.  Perhaps she would have accomplished more had she married.  But it was the fact that she was single that made her more dear and lovable.

My “happily married” batchmate probably feels a strong sense of supremacy over me because unlike her, my sisters, or the majority of my female batchmates, I am still single.  But, if truth be told, do single women like me have a choice? I mean, seriously? Can we take the initiative and ask out any man we like to marry us if only to “escape” singlehood? 
Not many people realize that marriage isn’t for everyone.  And that while normally, a woman my age should already be a missus, I am not abnormal. I am just unique.  For while I take delight in seeing my sisters bask in marriage bliss, I, like my Mama, still feel blessed. 

I just wish people could stop nurturing negativity by dismissing the notion that one needs a hubby (or a wifey) in order to be happy.



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