18 months to Live

I just woke up from a dream. Its was nasty but everything seemed so real. In my dream, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told I only had eighteen months to live.

Eighteen months.

My first reaction was denial.  I could not accept being so sick and having so short a time left to live.  What was going to happen to my family? What about my plan to take the bar? Then slowly, as the tension eased, I came to realize that yes, death is inevitable. Mine was coming soon but that doesn't mean I should live as if I were already dead.

And so in my dream I decided not to reveal the matter to my family. I decided to go with my plans, review and take the bar as scheduled at the same time make the most out of my remaining moments on earth.

It was painful to realize how quickly time was slipping away and how much I wanted to do so much more in so little time.  The list of "i wish i could's" flooded my mind. Oh if only I knew my life would be this short I would have done so much more.

Then I woke up.

I looked around and checked if my breast had the lump it had in my dream.  No it didn't.  Thank goodness I was just dreaming.  And thank goodness I am not sick.

On the other hand, I thank God so much for having given me such a nasty dream.  Today is the formal start of my intensive review for the bar.  I am scared, I am anxious, I am frantic.  But in my mind, I tell myself over and over again that this is going to be my last stake in life.  I will have to do my best.  I will have to put in my utmost effort and work harder than I ever did before in my entire life.

The Good Lord has been kind enough to shower me with so many inspirations. But mainly, I find so much inspiration from my family.

Everything is falling right into its place. Thank goodness I don't just have eighteen months to live.

Amen.