I did not Pass the Bar Exams (but I'm fine!) =)

I did not pass the bar exams in my first attempt -- but yes, I am fine!

I was among the 88 students from my law school who took the September 2010 bar exams.  Of the 88, only one passed, an accountant whose a repeater herself.  Of the 31 who were my classmates in review, only one made it as well.  She is also a repeater.  None of the eleven people who were dorm-mates when I was taking the bar also made it. Not one.

So how come I am fine even after I flunked?

Being a lawyer is a childhood dream.  But my journey towards the perfection of that dream, I realized, can't be easy.

I entered law school immediately after finishing my Masters in 2006.  Prior to that, I took the law school admission test in 2005 (thinking I could juggle finishing my Master's thesis and first year in law school at the same time).  I topped he test and thought it was a positive sign.  I thought law school would be such a breeze.

I was a fulltime college instructor by day and a fultime law student at night.  Such was my life - and yes, could not believe how I managed to finish my law degree in such a set-up.  I went to my law classes barely having skimmed through the pages of my law books.  I have embarassed myself a few times after being asked to recite something which was totally alien to me considering I have not read a single provision from the assigned articles/cases.  

Looking back, I know I should have taken my studies seriously. Afterall, I was chasing a childhood dream.  By neglecting the important stages of my quest to lawyer-hood, I paved my way to failure.  And there were many other factors which contributed to my "doom."

I am a product of mediocre school systems where most of my classmates were also well, uhm, mediocre. Not that it is bad considering I come from the lower-middle class segment of the society.  But for one, there's a HUGE difference between triumphing a tough battle such as the bar exams for graduates of an overpopulated, ill-equipped, substandard law institutions in the province and those of respected, renowned, tough, lading, and expensive law schools in Manila.

In first and second year, we have spent much of our law classes in drinking sprees instead of the classroom.  Law professors hardly attended our classes, if they did, the lectures would become less satisfying, and exams were NEVER returned.  There were many times I "protested" being a faculty member myself of the same university but, I was also mindful of the fact that law professors are lawyers.  They were not trained to become teachers.  Hence, they cannot be expected to exert as much reverence for law education, or compassion for their students as much as us, "teaching-oriented" teachers.

Our law professors, I realized, taught us the way they were also taught (very much like parenting the way they were parented).  And so in retrospect, I would like to believe they did what they could in their limited capacity.  Some of them were brilliant.  Others, even exceptional.  But they all had one common denominator:  they all hoped we would become lawyers.  I know..finding out none from our batch passed this year's bar exams also brought them despair.  Trouble is, they could have helped us prevent this.. If only..

A lawyer cousin who's also a daughter of a lawyer did advise me sometime in the past to either quit my present job or minimize my load in lawschool.  She told me it was necessary so I could give more focus on my studies.  I never debated with her because, (**sigh**) I also thought I was a wonder woman.. One who was capable of multi-tasking and yet succeed.  In addition, my economic state screamed attention.  I could not forego a career which paid for my lawschool tuition and books in exchange for something as uncertain as surviving lawschool (and the bar exams eventually).

On a serious note, I am blessed.  Failing to pass the bar has enabled me to realize how many people love me. Now, I have more reason to persevere.  There will always be detractors -- people who will judge me for being this and that -- for being a flunker (Ouch!).  In fact, there;s a lot of them.  Out of a hundred percent, I think there's about 80% of them or maybe even 90%?  But yes, how can I afford to dismiss the remaining 20% (or 10% for that matter) who continue to believe in me?  How can I put down these people's faith in me?

So to them who continue to believe in me, thank you.  I did not pass the bar exams but because of your faith, love, and support in me, I am still fine. =)