On the Importance and Dignity of Fatherhood

This is a response to a post I saw on Pope Francis' message on the importance and dignity of fatherhood:

Sad. Because ours keeps repeating his mistakes, won't admit he makes them, but enjoys demeaning and demoralizing his erring children instead.

Having been a prodigal father, we accepted him even after deserting us for 18 long years. But upon his return, he was still an unchanged man. Ironically, he expected to come home to "unchanged"children. Children he could manipulate, he could scare, he could scold at whim.

His children, now all grown up and with families of their own, could not recall having learned anything sensible from him. If at all, his children learned instead to choose a good man to marry and be father to their kids. Someone who was their father's complete opposite. 

Unlike a wise and mature father, ours hurt us and lambasted us when we made mistakes. None of us felt the "deep and discreet" affection which we hoped to get as a child. There were no fond memories, only hurtful ones. And after all these years, he still makes no attempt whatsoever to make up for those years gone by. Or to rectify his misdemeanors.

We even wonder if he's aware that he left us when we most needed his protection. He failed to guide us and support us. He was every inch a "softie, a weakling, and a yielding" man who allowed the circumstances to swallow him and rob him the opportunity to exercise paternity in its truest sense.

It is our prayer that no other child should experience this kind of a father.. No one, especially our own children, should have to lead a "fatherless" existence. 

I wish all fathers (especially ours) get to read this. I wish all fathers would finally start emulating the example of God, our father in heaven, whose image all fathers reflect.

Mommy-logues, V.1

Me:       I am worried about the workload coming my way.  It just never stops.

Mom:    Is there really alot to do?

Me:       Yup.  It’s never ending.

Mom:    Remember you are not paid by case.  You are simply to do what you can. Similarly, teachers are not paid by the number of board passers they taught.  Do what you can but don’t worry about what you can’t.  At the end of the day, marvel at what you’ve handled over the time spent away from your family.  What you’ve accomplished will be the feather on your cap.

(Doesn’t it feel good to realize you’ve a very sensible mom?  I know for sure because my mom is one. ;) 

Frozen

Today is my first time to watch this movie...and I realized that like Elsa, I am blessed to have several "Annas" in my life -- my five sisters. Time and time again they have showed me "acts of true love." Maybe not the kind that Anna did in the movie to spare her sister Elsa's life, but my sisters have expressed great acts of valor, of compassion, of understanding, of acceptance and of forgiveness which perhaps, in my lifetime, I could never ever repay. I will forever be grateful to have them in my life...afterall, they are also my true loves!

Open Happiness!

“I-celebrate ta kabuhi ta, kay naka-survive kita kay Yolanda!”
(“Let’s celebrate our lives, because we survived [typhoon] Yolanda!”)



Lola Rosing (left), 88 years old, and Lola Mama (right)92 years old, are soo glad to have emerged unscathed after typhoon Yolanda (the strongest tropical cyclone on record to make landfall in world history) hit Iloilo at Signal Number 4 yesterday, November 8, 2013. They asked to buy them “Koks” (Coke) but they weren’t available at the store. (So we got them Sprite and Royal instead.) This is their happy little reunion. Their happy little celebration. And their indomitable spirits live on!

She Won!

My sister won! Right when we thought her chance of getting included in the top seven was already dismal, our kabarangays proved us wrong. Spending only a meager sum of twenty-four pesos (PhP24)for her photocopied flyers, and given we don't have alot of relatives who could vote for her in the barangay,she was truly a less likely winner. Why others spent as much as 500pesos for each voter! But yes, she won... oh my God, she won! One hundred three people believed in her! One hundred three sincere votes of faith. One hundred three votes of confidence. Third out of fourteen! 
We'll all be right behind her as she fulfills her mission. 

To God be the glory!

Daddy's Home

Yes. Daddy's home. Finally.

He left when I was eighteen. My youngest sister was only eight.  No third party was involved.  He just had to leave.

We were left to Mom who raised us to be "professionals." (In the Philippines, that's what they call ém who finished a Bachelor's degree course.)  'None of us quit school.  We were all able to finish on time.  Not everyone was lucky enough to land a coveted job right away but we were all lucky to find a supportive and loving spouse/ partner.  In many ways, we got lucky.  We got stable.  Without Dad..

The lines of communication between Dad and us (even between Mom and he) always remained open.  Which is why five years ago, Dad was able to visit us briefly and even witness the birth of my 3rd sister's first born.  But then he had to leave -- simply because he no longer had a spot in our lives.

Painful as it may seem but that was true. To this day, it is still a dilemma assigning him a spot in our lives. But that is so because the past many years Daddy wasn't here haven't been easy.  It was only because he NEVER extended ANY form of support towards us but because in our hearts, we knew that many of the horribly painful things that happened to us would not have taken place if Dad was just around.  I and my younger sisters fought many hard battles and everytime we did, we tried to imagine how easier better life would have been had Daddy remained.

But past is past.  We could not go back.  Things are different now.  When last Christmas Daddy announced he was coming to visit, we knew he wasn't leaving again anymore.  Age has taken a toll on him and we see how he has grown weak and frail.  When we confronted him what his plan was, he sobbed.  He sought forgiveness for having deserted us for so long. Something he's never done before (of Daddy was such a proud and conceited man!)  But in my heart, I know he was sincerely sorry.  We vented.  We ranted.  But yes, we also listened.  Then amazingly, all those years of resentment, vanished.  Each of us knew that we shouldn't let Daddy leave again.

Now Daddy stays with me.  Well, not really for good.  I and my sisters agreed to take turns in taking him in. Mom on the other hand is complacent.  After making things clear between her and Dad, after establishing their boundaries, Daddy now knows where he stands.  Mom has raised her daughters well so we harbor no ill-feelings for her decision not to take Daddy back.  He can of course still visit her once in a while.

Ah, our family's story is one for the books.  It is complicated, vexing, taxing, intriguing, and to a certain degree, maybe entertaining.  In this saga however, I am just glad we're all together now again.

I am so glad Daddy is home.  Finally. =)

Two Became One

She had her share of broken hearts. 
She cried a lot but learned to start.
She believed that one day soon,

One will come and make her swoon.

He did.
And he didn't let her go.
He couldn't.
He didn't.

And off they went to tie the knot,
in our tiny garden they laid their oaths,
to keep each other,
to remain together,
to face forever,
and live happily, 

The Newly Weds

no matter what,
ever after.

Two became one.
Here's to Lanz and Dyan...

We pray they remain
Loyal and true to the vows they exchanged,
Because isn't that all it takes?
For the two to remain one, and for love to persist?

Whew! So it's been a month already since my last post?  How fast indeed time flies!  Christmas 2011 was among the best that we had because all my siblings were home to celebrate the holidays with us.  Times like those are getting more and more rare now considering we are carving our niches in different far apart places  under the sun. So now that the hustle and bustle of the holidays are over, we find ourselves back to the confines of our individual lives.  Apart. Separate. Distant.

When we were younger we hated each other.  Lol. Well, not really.  For the most part, we were each other's bestfriend, confidante, counselor, warrior, cheerleader, accomplice, persecutor, prosecutor, storyteller, baby-sitter, and the list goes on and on.  But at times when we disagreed, we also fought like mad dogs.  And that was when we would wish to get out of the family's enclave. Very few times, but we all remember them.

As grown ups now, we have pursued different paths in life.  We have also discovered/ built our individual sources of happiness.  And yet, there are times we still yearn...crave...long to be together.  The security, confidence, and strength that comes from our togetherness is incomparable.  It's weird.  It's something nobody (not even Mom perhaps or any of our husbands) would ever understand.

My siblings and I have surmounted the deepest depth, the worst worse, and the most painful hurt.  Perhaps that's what sealed our bond.  We know exactly how to raise each other up --- or push each other down.

At this point in time when each of us is still struggling to pursue our dreams, we remain united -- in thoughts, in prayers, in heart.  Yes, we still hurt each other every now and then.  Afterall, we have sort'v mastered the art of being each other's antidote because we are one another's bitter pill.  But our hurts always yield to acceptance, to forgiveness.  And everytime we reconcile, our bond is renewed... Always stronger than it ever was before.

Apart in space, united in spirit.

Our latest family pic taken in Dec. 26, 2011.

With the Wonderful Additions to the Family

Inspirer of my mind, consoler of my heart,

healer of my spirit,

Their presence lift me from earth to heaven,

Their words flow as the sacred river,

Their faith rise as a divine spring,

Their tender feelings awaken sympathy in my heart.

My Family -- Their very being is forgiveness.

The clouds of doubt and fear

are scattered by Their piercing glance.

All ignorance vanishes in Their illuminating presence.

A new hope is born in my heart

by breathing Their peaceful atmosphere.

They are my inspiring Guide through life’s puzzling ways,

in Them I feel abundance of blessing.

(adapted from the Prayer Pir written by Hazrat Inayat Khan)

Mommy learns to Shoot

She learned to drive when she was forty and since then, Mom has had the "guts" to learn anything new.  Recently, she's learned yet another "interest" which she vows to pursue:  handling a gun.

It's ironic how a woman like her (now in her 50s) can have the strength and the will-power to learn a skill as essential as firing a gun (properly).  She recently acquired a new weapon, a sleek,  medium-size, straight blowback action, frame-fixed barrel handgun called, Makarov.

Photo Credit

The decision to acquire a gun was a result of a consensus amongst us, her daughters and finding one that would prove to be ideal for Mom was not a breeze.  Anyways, she found the Makarov and got it after 2-3 weeks from purchase (the processing of the license/permits took that long).  

My ecstatic Mom road tested her new toy and boy oh boy, she loved it and got trigger happy!

 Posing for posterity before her first try-outs.. The Queen and me. =)

And here is she unwrapping her new toy. See that giddy grin?  Who says these toys are only meant for big boys hence?

That's her name on top with the other info at the bottom of the package..

And these are the tools of the game:

Mom has to pretend those cardboards are actually big, bad wolves out to get us....

So she can get 'em right.

And here she is getting advice from the gurus..

And here's how she fared.....

Not bad for a neophyte, eh?

And here's what was left because she was trigger happy....

This Made me Cry..

An excerpt from my brother in law's fb wall..

and he wrote:

Even my child started to walk without any support.. 
But, 
My wife still holds my hand while walking.
I love you J____,

A Woman Scorned

I wrote about my brother in law who was smitten by our neighbor...  And that became part of the reason why I was gone for quite a while.  What he did has had a huge impact not only on sister but upon us all as well.

Whoever said that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" really meant it.  The other woman was truly scorned when my brother in law decided to ditch her in order to save his marriage..

She sought revenge by spreading smear campaign not just against my sister but against our family.  And boy, she did know how to hit us at our softest spot. I won't go into details anymore about the stories she fabricated against us -- til now, I still cannot reconcile how a woman like her (who seemed pretty decent having had two college degrees) can go to the extreme and employ the dirtiest tactics known to man.

What astounded me initially was my sister's reaction when she first confronted her.  My sis had pure, untainted sympathy towards her.  How that became possible, I'll never know.  But its one attribute I will forever take pride about my sister.  My sis thought the mistress only fell prey to the circumstances..but she was wrong.  We all were.

The mistress was one cunning woman who was really determined to lure my brod in law to her charm.  And because my brod in law realized her family mattered more than anything that woman had to offer, he broke ties with her.

That's why all hell broke lose.. She got back at us..determined to ruin us before the entire community of cynics and bigots.

The pain she has caused my sister and our entire family persists... But like Mom has aptly stated what is to be our mantra on this crisis: "If she who has offended us can stand strong, determined to ruin us, then we have better reasons to stand united and fight her.  We offended no one. We stepped on no one.  Hence, we should never succumb to anyone -- especially her who has done this great transgression."

Did I make sense? Oh nevermind...I just had to see to it that I will very well remember this episode in our lives...

But yes, Mom is right.  In my own little way, it'll be my mantra too... So long as I don't step on anyone, I should let NO ONE, step on me.

May God be with us all.

My Two Mothers

I have two mothers: Mama and Mom

One bore me in her heart, 

the other in her womb.

Mom has been my fortress of strength,

Mama has been my loyal fan.

To me they both epitomize, the perfection of a mom.

For while they have their shortcomings too,

they love me unconditionally,

Mom's faith strengthens me,

while Mama's prayers sustain me.

My sole prayer now as they both age,

Is they may thrive upon God's grace.

So until that time comes,

I could honor them both for all they've done.

He's smitten!

My brother in law is smitten -- but not with his wife, but with our neighbor’s daughter.  Just when I thought my sister who married her prince even before they could finish college would have their happily-ever-after, she found out he’s having an affair with a most unlikely mistress:  our neighbor’s daughter.

The affair started when he was complaining about how much my sister has neglected his need for a more frequent communication.  Given that he works abroad, he felt it was only imperative that his wife struggle more to keep their communication lines open -- and healthy.

 

My sister was never the chatterer that he desires.  But she is a doer.  She likes keeping the house tidy and their child prim and proper.  Everything in the household was held in perfect order.  At the end of the day, she is always exhausted and felt that her arduous daily routine was enough to exempt her from writing emails, chatting, or texting her hubby.

Unlike that woman.  She liked being a tease almost always and even thrived upon being a center of attention by strutting her stuff in skimpy clothes whenever, wherever.  She seemed to have bewitched not only those men with whom she spent many late nights rendezvous known to the general public, she also cast her spell upon my brother-in-law.

 

My sister would have perfectly understood.  She admits she has failed to extend her presence to her hubby whenever he’s abroad working. She acknowledges that such failure has deeply severed her marriage ties because in her silence, her hubby felt ignored.

But is he thus justified for choosing to seek comfort and consolation in the arms of another woman?  Or specifically, from someone who lives within the proximity of their matrimonial nest?

 

And as if the discovery of his affair with that woman was not enough, he went on to divulge the specific physical encounters he had had with her…

As of now, I and the rest of my family could not think of any sane reason why he did what he did except to spite his wife, to see to it that she is crushed, and that she would be able to languish atleast until he is satiated with his affair.

I wish none of these is true… If she used a spell to bewitch him, may he awaken very soon…

I pray tomorrow when we awake, he will once again be smitten, not by the woman next door anymore, but by his wife forevermore.

Whose hand will hold Mom's?

I wonder whose hand will hold Mom's when she's seventy,

Image SOURCE

When her skin is wrinkled, and her vision is blurry

When she sits by the couch, watching old romance on TV,

Patting her back, cuddling, making her coffee?

For sure when she was young like me

She must've envisioned she'd age happily

She and Daddy stronger and better

Each year as they celebrate their anniversary.

But Mom's hands aren't held by any man now

Since Daddy left, she seriously took a vow

She'd raise her daughters the best way she can

Even if she does it without a partner, a man.

Now with her daughters all grown up,

Each of them to their pursuits tied up, 

Visits to Mom get scarcer and scarcer,

I cannot help but start to ponder...

Who will hold Mom's hands?

No need to wonder,

We've got each other.

Whatta Coincidence!

I realized just now that my parents are Joseph and Mary! Dad is Jose Francisco and mom is Mary Sarah. I am amused at the coincidence -- at the same time bewildered. Imagine, after 33years, I found this out just now? Tsk. Tsk. But wait, Mom, Dad, were you always unaware too? heheh... 

On the otherhand, wasn't Jesus crucified when He was 33? None of us was baptized Jesus but I am now 33! Heheh..

My Sister's Hubby

He cleans the toilet with  bare hands,
And leaves everything spick and span.
He wakes up everyday at 3am
And sleep only after everything is done.

These are what my sister's hubby,
Yes, my nephew's amazing Daddy,
does aboard a ship somewhere,
To support the family he left here.

My heart aches at his sacrifice
But insists that he does this for his beloved
He can stay here at home alright
But their future would not seem very bright.

The plight he takes isn't unique
If we take time to listen, to believe
There is more than those pictures we see
Of OFWs smiling to appease their family.

Their real stories might remain untold
Of the many struggles and pains they hold
Yet through these all they try to endure,
By risking themselves at such a foreign venture.

Oh I wish no more kids would be left home
Coz their parents have to work elsewhere soon,
And miss on each other's lives
By struggling each day in order to survive.

I salute my young brother-in-law 
For the sacrifices he makes, for J and Yo
I hope and pray everythings turns alright,
A bright, rewarding future: for him, for Yo, and J, his wife.

Remembering..

On this day, fourteen years ago, Lolo Cenon died. It was my (and my younger susters') first experience of death.  He has long been struggling with cancer (of the lungs) but when he breathed his last on the evening of March 29th, 1998 we still found ourselves grappling with the reality of his passing. 

Lolo Cenon loved us so much.  He died as a bachelor, had his share of imperfections, but despite it all, he was steadfast in his love for you.  It was amazing how such a man, who never had a child of his own, could give so much of himself for his family and others.

He was in his teens when he started working for a rich Chinese family in the city.  His meager salary working as a merchandiser helped send him to school until he was able to finish his Commerce degree in a prestigious university in the city. 

After finishing college, he continued to work for such Chinese family, serving them well and honestly.  Consequently, he was made as dummy for some of the Chinese family's businesses here and in other provinces.  Nevertheless, Lolo Cenon was honest and never took advantage of his position.  While others(including the family's relatives themselves) took every opportunity to steal from the businesses, Lolo Cenon remained uncorrupt.  He never considered nor allowed any attempt to commit any dishonest act.  he went to serve such family until he retired.

The New Year celebration in our childhood home was the most festive time of the year.  Lolo Cenon, who ironically was afraid of firecrackers, spent thousands and thousands of pesos buying for the rest of the tambays in our barangay to alight when midnight of New Year strikes.  Oftentimes, he would usually be caught hiding in seclusion...enjoying the sound of the booms and the bangs but --under the safety of his bedroom bed. Hahah.. In the morning of New Year, old folks in our neighborhood would queue at our doorstep because Lolo Cenon would thereafter be giving out crisp paper bills (usually 20 or 50 pesos) to them (patterned after the Chinese tradiaiton of giving ampao).

I have so many good memories of Lolo Cenon and I miss him very much.  I miss his stubbornness and his arrogance.  He didn't like seeking help but was always generous to help others.  That's what made him arrogant.  He was stubborn because even after being disgnosed with lung cancer, he continued to smoke and drink.  He even asked me that when I have work and earning already (I just graduated from college when he died), he hopes I'd care to buy him beer and Marlboro.  And no doubt I would if such would be the only thing it'll take to make him happy...

I miss him so much... I pray that he rests in peace.  And that may he whisper to Mama Mary and Papa Jesus to always take care of us... Thank you Lolo Cenon for loving us..

Red Letter Day

Today is a red letter day for our family... It is because my second to the youngest sister, J, went up the stage to get her diploma.  She graduates from college finally.  Hers hasn't been an easy journey.  She first enrolled in college in 2001 and took up Hotel and Restaurant Management.  Then, she was subjected to a very difficult test, not in school, but in real life..(but that's a different story).

She went to attend another university to take up a different course, this time, it was in Commerce.  It was the course from which she was to graduate from eventually.  But hers, wasn't going to be a smooth sailing journey towards her bachelor's degree. She decided she'd first get a marriage degree... 

Balancing marriage and motherhood wasn't easy.  So she quit her studies again only to come back to school when her son was two years old.  And every single day she spent in school became a sacrifice.  She relates the reasons that sustained her drive to finish her studies.

One, her son.  She was afraid she's have a hard time convincing her son someday to value his studies if she would choose not to finish hers. 

Two, we, her sisters.  If she didn't finish her studies, she would have to be a holder of two records:  the first amongst us to get married, and the only one amongst us who hasn't finished her studies.

Three, her hubby.  He told her when they got married that they would do whatever it takes to prove to themselves that their union would not hinder them from attaining their dreams (they were highschool sweethhearts).  If she doesn't finish school, it would be tantamount to breaking the pledge they both made with each other when they got married.

Four, grandma's ultimate wish.  J is Mama's (grandaunt) favorite apo.  She broke her heart when she decided to get married without finishing school yet.  But as part of the promise J gave Mama, she will finish school no matter how long it takes.

So the day has come for J to reap her diploma.  We have all looked forward to this.  But for me, being her eldest sister (and having had taken my share in supporting her studies too), I most especially take pride in her accomplishment.  She will be a dear proof that happy endings (in love and studies) aren't remote.  That young loves, highschool sweethearts, puppy loves, can all become true and as a matter of fact, become a springboard for accomplishing dreams.

J and her hubby

Her trophy:  a happy ending forever meant to be



Mom's last daughter to earn a college degree..



I love happy endings.  It happened to them.

Thank you Mom..

Thank you Mom for simply being you..
Raising all six of us and helping us through

We're all grown up but you remain there
Extending your hand, constantly showing you care..

The world may think very differently of you
But to us six, you're our greatest Hero.

And we promise you we won't stop,
Until we reach the victor's cup.

The love you showed will guide us through
No obstacle can weigh us down, we promise you.

Stay Strong Mom. 
We love you.

The Wall

the best portraits are not displayed on walls, they are hung in the heart...the best masterpieces are not works of art but crafted by sacrifices and love...i look up and face this wall when im alone to be reminded by the crowning glory of my parenthood...  (-from Mom's page)

Yes, thats us. Six girls.  Mom's source of pride.  This is her (and Mama's [auntgranny] ultimate dream): to hang all our hooded grad pics in the wall.  I am the eldest so yes, the first portrait is mine.  Its when I earned my second degree -- my Masters.  Next to me is T_, she's earned a BSC. Third is M__ who's earned a BSN.  Then there's D__ who like the fifth, J__ also finished BSC.  The youngest is B__, BSE who graduated with me (in my 3rd degree).


I also get sentimental looking at the six of us -- I wonder how Dad would feel seeing us in those -- can't help but wonder as well if he even imagined us to finish college after he left us many years ago..  I hope he takes pride in us too..


Whoever sees this wall at home admires us -- can't blame them.  But I wish they could see our scars instead -- to realize the long and hard journey it took us to earn these.  I am pretty sure Mom chose to hang our grad pics like these alongside those medals not to earn admiration -- but to be an inspiration.  So other mothers like her, left singlehandedly by their husbands (whether by death or by separation) may also find renewed courage to remain faithful -- not to the vow she made with Dad when they married, but to the oath she, as a parent, took before God when we were Christened.