On Billy Crawford and Nikki Gil's Separation

But sometimes, it is in allowing someone to embrace our brokenness too 

that we become "whole.." 

Sometimes, it is in letting that one willing soul to help us 

pick the broken fragments of our self-worth 

that we start seeing a better version of ourselves. 

We maybe hurting that person, 

but being accepted over and over again, we are saved. 

Yes, sometimes, letting go seems the best option. 

But sometimes, holding-on Billy... 

to the point of unreasonableness, 

is the only way to go. 

My heart bleeds. 

But I still insist on happy-endings.

Two Became One

She had her share of broken hearts. 
She cried a lot but learned to start.
She believed that one day soon,

One will come and make her swoon.

He did.
And he didn't let her go.
He couldn't.
He didn't.

And off they went to tie the knot,
in our tiny garden they laid their oaths,
to keep each other,
to remain together,
to face forever,
and live happily, 

The Newly Weds

no matter what,
ever after.

Two became one.
Here's to Lanz and Dyan...

We pray they remain
Loyal and true to the vows they exchanged,
Because isn't that all it takes?
For the two to remain one, and for love to persist?

And They Will Continue to Live Happily Ever After (a true story)

I haven't been always cynical about love.  I grew up to fairy tales and like many girls, I did yearn to one day be found by a Prince who would 'rescue' me and change my world forever.  But after Dad left Mom… I started to assume a different perspective.  Several more heartbreaks later, my heart has somewhat become frozen and my mind, skeptical.  I was most especially distrustful of guys whom I suspected of using their charm to win me – or my sisters.’ Which is why, I was always prompt in shooing prospective suitors intending to woo any of us.



their first picture as a couple..



So when my sister T, introduced the dashing, city boy, C, I was of course, apprehensive.  I tried my very best to daunt him but only to the extent that he will not be discouraged if his intention towards T was truly unadulterated.  And true to my sister’s intuition, C, proved to be a real gentleman.  He first talked with Mom to ask for only one thing:  that he be allowed to love my sister.  He says, if she falls for him, he will have fulfilled a dream, if she does not, he will keep trying to win her heart.  Being the big sister that I was, I advised T to take caution but she would hear none of it. Apparently, love was more potent than me.

She fell in love. Oh, rapidly in fact, because it only took him two weeks to earn her “yes”! 

She loved him and was convinced beyond anything that he was the man who was destined to be with her forever.  And T couldn’t be more right.  Every day, we began to see a new facet of their personalities unfold, each complimenting the other perfectly.  While T was adamant, C was acquiescent.  While T was resolute, C was persevering.  They both shared modest dreams – their vision of a happy ending.  And surprisingly, I was privy to everything.  Afterall, I am my sister’s bestfriend.

On April 8, 2006, two years, one month, and eight days after they met, he took her as his wife.

To this day, we all look back to the memories of April 8^th, 2006 as among the happiest days of our lives. It’s all because it was on this day, when my sister T, married her prince.  He made a Queen out of her, and an ally out of us..  

April 8, 2006....

Six gals with Mom on T's wedding day.. 

Mr. and Mrs. C&T Jaena on their first day of happy-ever-after. 

Happy endings do come true!

Here's a proof that they do!

(C&T with their children)

Willie made me cry...again.

Willie made me cry again this evening -- in front of our TV.  I dislike him. But I like watching his TV show.  This evening, I chanced upon his Willing Willie where the contestants are children of Filipina mothers and foreigner fathers.  The catch is, these children have been left by their foreigner parents to their Filipina moms.

Yes, the whole thing was mushy.  But what struck me was the statement of an American who was among the audience.  Willie asked him why he was crying too while the children contestants briefly chronicled their life stories...  The American (who is also married to a Filipina) said, "It just makes me sad to see these children being left by their dads. But I just wanna say not all foreigners are like that.  Foreigner or Filipinos, I guess dads have to be dads.  If they can't be with the mother of their children, at least, they should be there for their kids.  By reaching out to them and making them feel they are still there for them, that's what matters most...  I have a 5yr-old daughter and I love her so much.  I would do anything for her."

When his wife was asked, she revealed, that he is not even her daughter's real father.  But he has taken her as his own.  So she thanked him -- for loving her, her daughter, and her entire family...  Then they kissed... right for the whole world to see.


Theirs though was the only "happy" story of the night.  The rest of the six contestants and a few of Willie's dancers revealed an appalling truth about their lives.  Beautiful children left by their fathers -- never to be heard from again.


My dad is among them and I and the rest of my siblings are among those deserted children.  It does hurt.  And for so many times, I admit, it has also become a source of insecurity.  I even remember what Dad's stepmom told me in her letter of long ago (when she found out I was already starting a career), "No decent man from a decent family would want to take someone from a broken family for a wife.  Ask your father to come home so you will no longer belong to a broken home.."  


I am not sure if Lola (God bless her soul) had some kind of a prophetic mind.  The past two serious relationships I had failed due to her premonition.  But yes, I should write about it in a separate post. Sorry. =)


For now, my heart goes to those children left by their fathers...  Those who, like me, had to belong to broken homes -- a truth that they will have to contend with for the rest of their lives.


Meanwhile, I pray their mothers will remain strong the way my Mom held on for us six.  Their journey to parenthood will never be easy.  Not all of them will, like that Filipina now married to an American, meet/find a man with whom they could spend the rest of their forever with but yes, they will eventually have their happy-endings...

Ah, Willie I still hate you.  But yes, watching you made me cry...(**sob**) again. 

(I love happy endings...even if I'm not on them.)

He's Taken..

..and there's no more arguing about it after I've seen their pics.  I am not sure how long they've been together..  But seems to me he's beaming with so much joy -- and uhm, love in their pics.  And I should be happy.  For the first time since we parted, I am able to affirm that I made the right decision by letting him go -- after he dumped me.  If we parted ways later and I was the one who broke his heart, it'd be catastrophe. If he isn't with anyone now he'd probably be bitter and would likely to think ill of me as well. And yes, to be honest, I do not want anyone to feel or think ill of me. Especially not an ex with whom I shared an unhappy past.


I am happy happier now.  To a certain degree, I am also content and at peace with myself.   Whenever I was in a relationship, I always hoped that if it doesn't end in forever, atleast it ends in a light note.  It would pain me greatly if an ex would end up cursing me -- accusing me of wrecking his life or anything worse that I could imagine.  When I am with someone, I wish to give positivity...one that should linger throughout eternity. I want my loveletters to be worth re-reading, dates to be worth recollecting, things we do together to be worth remembering.  All in all, I just want to leave happy memories.


So yes, perhaps I haven't been able to move on completely from this last relationship -- until, well, uhm...today!(?).  Its a liberating feeling to know that he's doing well and happy.  And they have pictures to showcase their joy to the world.  


Its about time I move on to embrace my present and welcome my future...  


Ah..He is sooo good.  He never fails to amaze. He loves me!  And yes, Me too... I love Him!




(God, that is.  Not ex.)

I Wanna be Married in this Church

I wanna be married in this church

I wanna walk down its aisle

If I take my eternal vow with my beloved,

It has to be upon this church's altar.

This Cathedral maybe historical,

And yes, many have been wed herein so far.

But my wedding will be most special,

If we say "I do's" upon its altar.

The Lady of Candles will light our path

Nurture our hearts, sustain our love.

The journey to forever to begin,

Shall commence upon the walls herein.

For many years even as a child

It's in this place I released those sighs

And lifted to the Omnipotent

Life's challenges, no matter how trivial they seemed.

And many a couple I saw there march

Each one that did, always melted my heart

I knew that an Amazing Power worked in them

I just could not quite decipher it then.

Now all grown up, still waiting for him

I shall visit this church and continue to imagine

myself walking down the aisle,

a coy smile, 

my family close to tears,

closest of friends spreading the cheers,

our song playing by the organ,

and my only beloved, holding my hand. 

Two Couples -- One Wedding -- Another Happy Ending

View from afar---no flowers adorned the altar.

Yet the altar seemed to glow -- as if happy for the upcoming exchange of vows.

No flower girls, no ring bearer either.
But see how the couples seem fidgety altogether?

Braving the awkwardness I stood to take a pic,
it's something I want for eternity to keep.

Oh they posed, a shy smile!
This shot tugged my heart, and brought tears to my eyes..

"You can march your way now down the aisle,
It may not have been adorned but you've much reason to smile.."

Their smiles makes my heart sigh..

Their sole desire was to get married before Thee..
The first step in their journey together to eternity.

I, a stranger, partake of their bliss..

Fully convinced that LOVE indeed is such a marvelous gift.

Upon the Cathedral entrance they stood—two couples,

A wedding to commence without the grandeur found in others.

Oh how they melted my prying heart,

I certainly partook of their delight!

The grooms’ thrill perceptible through their sheer barongs,

The brides’ bliss cascaded along with their flowing gowns.

 Each of the ladies held plastic flowers for bouquet,

Yet they held it with pride and joy in a certain way.

One’s barong seemed awkwardly short, (could it have just been borrowed?)

It didn’t seem to matter, it was just as pretty though unaltered.

I turned to find their scanty guests were as misty eyed like me,

They’re the closest of friends, a few strangers, and family. 

 So the piano was played and the soloist sang,

“Ave Maria” filled the Cathedral walls when the mass began.

The couples walked to the aisle towards the altar,

I was at the corner admiring them, quietly from afar.

Those lovers in their humble economical state,

Chose to wed before God, perhaps driven by their faith?

Witnessing such a moment has made me think,

How many girls are able to achieve their childhood dream?

Of that walking down the aisle, with the man they love in their wedding!

It truly doesn’t matter whether there’s a whole entourage,

A long list of sponsors, lavish gifts and many fancy stuffs.

That wedding this morning has taught me one thing:

We need not become princes and princesses to have our happy endings!

(I love happy endings – even if I’m not in them.)

NOTE:  Pics courtesy of my N95, edited by Picasa. =)