Dumped

I got dumped…again. For the Nth time, I am amazed I still haven’t gotten used to the feeling, the pain, and the bitterness. It took me a long time and lots of hoping ‘n praying I’d find the one destined for me. I sought the help of friends and family members to help me seek the one who would stay and who’s also into long-term relationships. One who would be willing to stick it out for me through and thin. One whom I could also love and cherish and adore – and be proud of. One who’d stay with me until my golden years and take along wherever I go and watch my child grow and…perhaps be my soulmate?

But it isn’t a man I seek. It isn’t love either. All that I yearn for is a trusty, reliable, honest, and persevering --- kasambahay. I want one who would be with me on a long-term basis. I was seriously hoping for a “for-good” kind of term. I was definitely willing to give her all that was necessary to keep her --- provided of course that she’d give me what I deserved.

And so I thought I fin’lly found the ONE. Approximately forty days ago, she came into my (our) lives like a dream come true. The first few days were slow as we attempted to get to know each other better first. Yup, we tried to decipher each other’s personalities, preferences, and behavior. Each and every day there were “minor” bouts of shoddiness but I consciously and willingly ignored those thinking I was just being judgmental – again. Then on Monday night, she dropped the bomb. She was leaving me --- too.

I was appalled. Her pronouncement was something I least expected. Not at this time when I have just showered her with gifts (and happy moments) just last Christmas and not when I am about to leave again for a week-long seminar out of town. Gosh. Her announcement was painful, offensive, and totally unexpected.

Of course I sought an explanation. She first revealed she’s already “tired” with all the tasks I’ve assigned her to do. I asked which task exactly overwhelmed her. She didn’t elaborate but pointed out instead how bad she feels everytime I scold her or call her attention over something (she claimed “trivial”).

For the first time I didn’t know what to say. I was stupefied. (Definitely not in a positive way.)

I thought I was doing well. I thought I was being kind, patient, understanding, considerate, cool, persevering, timid..but no. She made me feel I was none of those.

I have made a routine of her expected daily tasks which I posted on the ref door. Those tasks are something I myself perform when I don’t have a helper. Since we got her, she has never completed any of those enumerated tasks. I didn’t mind. Occasionally I would call her attention to details like having to clean the ref to constantly check on food which are to become stale soon. Well, she never did. She only cooked what she felt like. Her stews are always too salty and so I asked her to forego the salt when she uses Magic Sarap to avoid putting in excessive salt in the dish – only to be told that she’s frustrated that I don’t like her cooking.

But yes, perhaps I have had unfair demands against her. I expected her to be efficient when efficiency isn’t everybody’s skill. I have expected her to be spontaneous when I myself am a scatterbrain. I expected her to employ her “common sense” whenever doing even the most trivial task when she is just getting to know our household.

But I am still bothered and perplexed that she called me a blabbermouth. It was a description I just couldn’t take. It only meant she understood none of what I said. All those bantering and hearty-talks meant nothing to her because all that she recalled were the moments when I was mean to her.

This incident taught me a few helpful insights though:

1) I can never please everybody all the time. At first I felt bad about my kasambahay’s nasty remarks but come to think of it, why would I let someone like her murder my self-esteem? True, initially she made me feel like I was the worst criminal who ever walked this part of the planet..but heck, I know that isn’t true. Her statement, her opinion, her standards DO NOT DEFINE ME. Therefore, why must I get affected? Even good people “get dumped.” It’s a reality we all need to contend with.

2) The rule of thumb still applies: always treat others the way you want to be treated. But – there’s a catch right there – do not expect other people will always return the favor. Hence, we better be prepared by anticipating the unlikely.

3) A kasambahay is a want – not a need. I will not be miserable without a kasambahay just as many households thrived and became happy and prospered without a kasambahay doing all the house-chores. Others have done it. So can I. If I find one who will want to stay for keeps, Imma lucky gurl. Otherwise, I’m still a lucky gurl!

So yes, I got dumped by a kasambahay -- again. But I am still alright. My worries are non-existent and everyday can only get better,

The Essential

As I was de-cluttering the house to get ready for the New Year, I realized I still had plenty of unused clothes. By unused I mean clothes I used to wear in the past but for some reason, I no longer feel like wearing again. Over the years, I have accumulated so much unnecessary garments in my longing to be back to my ideal weight. Sometimes I feel those clothes fit me but sadly, many of those don’t fit me well. Thus, the clothes I’ve collected over time grew and grew.

When I got to the shoe storage area of the house, I found out I have plenty of unused shoes as well. In 2013 alone I have purchased over ten pairs of shoes! Ten pairs of shoes! Wait, it was prolly more than that. And out of those ten pairs, I only get to use about three pairs the most. Most of the pairs are never easy to wear much more seem “wearable” after several wears.

Over-all, I felt guilty. The fact that I’ve spent a few thousand bucks over items which didn’t prove worth-spending meant I was an unwise spender.

Analyzing over my spending habits made me realize that most of the time, I would spend over stuff I don’t need because they’re usually on sale. Most of my clothes are thrift items. Meaning, I got ‘em cheap. And just because they’re cheap meant I could afford them. But those cheap items aren’t exactly the ones I need. But you see, thrift-shopping could be addictive. I could haggle sometimes and buy ten clothes at a time without feeling guilty for the splurge. Guiltless that is, until I find out how much of my clothes I don’t (and can’t!) use anyway.

The same habit goes for shoes. Oftentimes, I justify buying a new pair by citing how cheap my clothes are. Since I don’t spend much for clothes, I thought it okay to spend more for the shoes. Thus, I buy shoes whenever I see those red tags.

Those impulsive buys can never be justified -- especially for one who wants to make financial stability her goal. My make-up cabinet is also filled with so much unused stuffs. I have purchased one foundation after another. Yes I could justify that by claiming none of those seemed to work well for me but honestly, any of those works just as fine. The palettes I’ve collected are also excessive. Who needs seven palettes of neutral eyeshadows when I am not a make-up artist? I have five peach blushes, four pink ones, and three orangey ones. Gosh! So what do I do with over thirty-five tubes of lipsticks? Not to mention those in lip palettes too?

I guess it’s about time I should rationalize before I let go of my moolah. They say a penny saved is a penny earned. Since there’s no way I could squeeze in a part-time job right now means there’s no way I could get an additional income. Therefore, the only way I could increase my savings is by lessening my spendings!

I guess, this would do for a more realistic and attainable New year’s resolution. Every month I could make an “inventory” of all the stuffs I don’t need and find a way to give it away (or maybe sell it?). And everytime I feel like buying something, I should give it a rigid thought if it’s really something I need or something that’ll just satisfy my fleeting want. And perhaps, I should try to keep track of ALL my expenses too. It is imperative to know (and understand) where my money goes.

In these trying times, the calamities that hit us taught us many valuable lessons. Foremost of which is the worthlessness of material possessions. When we put so much value upon material things, we lose track of things of more value. And ironically too, none of those material things linger or even withstand the test of time. Clothes, shoes, makeup, none of those could endure when we are reduced to our bare state. In the end, the intangible, the unseen, are what matters most. The essential can never be quantified. Yes, clothes and other material possessions add color to our lives but what adds dimension is something that goes beyond what our eyes can see.

“What is essential, is invisible to the eyes.”

– “The Little Prince,” Antoine de Saint Exupéry

2014 Holidays

On the  first working day of the year, here's the list of holidays to give us something to look forward to again.  Heheh.

The following is a list of holidays for 2014, declared by virtue of Proclamation No. 655, s. 2013, unless otherwise specified:

January 1, 2014, Wednesday – New Year’s Day (Regular Holiday)

January 31, 2014, Friday – Chinese New Year (Special non-working day)

February 25, 2014, Tuesday – EDSA Revolution anniversary (Holiday for all schools)

April 9, 2014, Wednesday – Araw ng Kagitingan (Regular Holiday)

April 17, 2014 – Maundy Thursday (Regular Holiday)

April 18, 2014 – Good Friday (Regular Holiday)

April 19, 2014 – Black Saturday (Special non-working day)

May 1, 2014, Thursday – Labor Day (Regular Holiday)

June 12, 2014, Thursday – Independence Day (Regular Holiday)

August 21, 2014, Thursday – Ninoy Aquino Day (Special non-working day)

August 25, 2014, Monday – National Heroes Day (Regular Holiday)

November 1, 2014, Saturday – All Saints Day (Special non-working day)

November 30, 2014, Sunday – Bonifacio Day (Regular Holiday)

December 24, 2014, Wednesday – Additional special non-working day (Special non-working day)

December 25, 2014, Thursday – Christmas Day (Regular Holiday)

December 26, 2014, Friday – Additional special non-working day (Special non-working day)

December 30, 2014, Tuesday – Rizal Day (Regular Holiday)

December 31, 2014, Wednesday – Last day of the year (Special non-working day)

*Separate proclamations will be issued for the observance of Eid’l Fitr and Eidul Adha

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

As we face the great and beautiful possibilities 

that await us this year, I pray that none of the horror 

and the trauma that we went through in 2013 

will ever happen again. 

May the pain of those who have suffered much from tragedies (of any sort) be assuaged by the thought that they are not forgotten... that there is always hope. 

That even in the bleakest, saddest moment, 

God's love and mercy, endures.

May each of us remain steadfast in our quest 

to make this world a better and happier place for us 

and for our children...

May we become kinder and stronger and better each day. And may we always find a reason to smile, 

to be grateful, to be just.

Happy New Year family and friends! 

Thank you for being part of my life.

Diminished

It’s been six days and she still hasn’t come home. We were never close. As a matter of fact, she seemed forever oblivious of my existence. Of course she knew me to be her niece.  But we never got to bond as an aunt-niece would.  Afterall, she and mom are just first cousins.  But you see, when we got news that she was among those declared missing in the devastation of typhoon Yolanda at Tacloban City, I sobbed.  A sharp and almost unreal pain hit me.  I could not believe I had a relative who was actually a victim…

Friday morning, November 8^th, she along with her husband and second child were still inside the premises of their family-owned restaurant located within the Tacloban City Airport.  She was reportedly on the phone with her sister at 5am saying the storm wasn’t as strong as it was first reported.  By 7am, she was on the phone again, this time to report that the winds and the rains were indeed strong.  But she didn’t seem alarmed or scared at all so her call did not cause concern.

Saturday afternoon, her sister in Manila received a call from my cousin, my Aunt’s second child, that they were already in Cebu having been rescued by some military personnel….and that his mother could no longer be found.

And that was it.  All the relatives have been informed and have been asked to fervently pray that Tita may have survived…

Days passed and still no news. And over and over and over again, the TV news showed how much devastation has actually occurred in the hardly hit areas – especially Tacloban.  Dead people are strewn all over the place.  The whole city has seven been declared unsanitary already because the decomposing bodies of the victims lie rotting beneath the pile of debris and garbage and have not yet been retrieved  by the authorities yet.  The whole scenario was chaotic, very much a semblance of the apocalyptic movies conjured up by some director/writer’s wild imagination.  Everything seemed unreal.

But my Tita still hasn’t come home.  Her husband’s last glimpse of her was on that Friday morning itself….as they waded through the flood waters brought by the storm surge.  He and their son were able to cling on to a sturdy post but Tita got washed away by the raging waters. 

To see her son’s post at Google Yolanda Person Finder breaks my heart.  I cannot imagine the feeling of having to look for a missing parent. 

But yes, others have lost their entire family.  Many still have lost many more relatives.  One thing I just realized though is that no matter how many loved-ones has been lost in that tragedy, a loss is still a loss.  It is painful --  achingly painful, and the lives of those who lost them is never ever the same again. For as John Donne aptly wrote:

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less.

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a manor of thy friend's

Or of thine own were:

Any man's death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind,

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; 

It tolls for thee. 

John Donne

I am diminished by the lives lost in that catastrophe.  But for now, I could only hope, that anytime soon, I'll be able to hear the happy news that my Tita has come home.

Open Happiness!

“I-celebrate ta kabuhi ta, kay naka-survive kita kay Yolanda!”
(“Let’s celebrate our lives, because we survived [typhoon] Yolanda!”)



Lola Rosing (left), 88 years old, and Lola Mama (right)92 years old, are soo glad to have emerged unscathed after typhoon Yolanda (the strongest tropical cyclone on record to make landfall in world history) hit Iloilo at Signal Number 4 yesterday, November 8, 2013. They asked to buy them “Koks” (Coke) but they weren’t available at the store. (So we got them Sprite and Royal instead.) This is their happy little reunion. Their happy little celebration. And their indomitable spirits live on!

Serving Two Masters...

Today’s flag ceremony was sponsored by the X Department and cited the observance of the Values Month.  One of the chiefs of the agency was made to discuss which value she esteems highly and would like others to also demonstrate.  She answered, “hard-work.”  She then discussed the importance of hard-work in accomplishing the tasks on hand.  Hard-work, according to her, is what brought her to her present position as well as those who are also now serving their high posts in the agency.

I looked around to see if any of my colleagues shared the boss’ sentiment.  I hardly saw any nod of agreement.  And I understand why.

The past few weeks since I started working in this esteemed institution, I have been in shock. But my acculturation isn’t over yet.  I am torn between adulation, confusion, frustration, as well as disillusionment.   

My adulation for the agency stemmed from the fact that everyone in the office literally labors hard.  Unlike my previous exposure in the Judiciary where employees waste their while most of the time, our government agency truly consists of hard-workers.  They don’t have siestas here, hardly rest even during lunch breaks, and seldom engage in any chitchat.  Their office hours do not begin at 8am.  Neither does it end at 5pm.  They are mindless of the time when they work.  Many even sleep in the office and stay late doing whatever needs to be done.

But that is why I am confused…

I am confused because being government employees, my colleagues know that they don’t get overtime pay.  And yet, they work unmindful of the clock.  They even work on weekends.  I’ve been told that this while they are not being forced to work this much, they feel a strong sense of obligation nevertheless to work hard and finish their tasks as soon as they else, they will have compounded tasks.

Being such, my co-workers don’t get to spend much time anymore with their families.  Many mothers leave their children to the care of others, a nanny or a close relative who is their substitute.  And I am frustrated.

I thought a career is important because it is where a parent can earn subsistence to support his family.  But if a career becomes this demanding, will the financial (or even professional) rewards outweigh the neglect and absence that the family has to naturally suffer brought about by an unavailable parent?

I do not know well my colleagues yet.  I have no idea how they raised their children or if they are happy and content with their family lives.  But at this stage of my adjustment, I am already disillusioned.  I cannot comprehend how a mother can remain active, available, and responsible to her children and at the same time manage a “fulfilling,” successful, and “happy” career in this work environment.  True, one may lead a successful career, earn the respect and reverence of colleagues and the society, and even be recognized by the world as a model employee…but if she fails at her God-given task of being a good and responsible parent, will all those successes be enough?

I once remember someone saying somewhere that “no amount of success outside can compensate for one’s failure at home.”  I believe that with all my heart.  Even the scriptures warn that “One cannot serve two masters at the same time…” (Matthew 6:24). 

I do not wish to preempt anything.  I just wish to remain steadfast in my convictions.  So if time would come when I must choose which master to serve, I most definitely will choose the career where I will never retire, will never be promoted, will never be paid: that of being a parent.