Dumped

I got dumped…again. For the Nth time, I am amazed I still haven’t gotten used to the feeling, the pain, and the bitterness. It took me a long time and lots of hoping ‘n praying I’d find the one destined for me. I sought the help of friends and family members to help me seek the one who would stay and who’s also into long-term relationships. One who would be willing to stick it out for me through and thin. One whom I could also love and cherish and adore – and be proud of. One who’d stay with me until my golden years and take along wherever I go and watch my child grow and…perhaps be my soulmate?

But it isn’t a man I seek. It isn’t love either. All that I yearn for is a trusty, reliable, honest, and persevering --- kasambahay. I want one who would be with me on a long-term basis. I was seriously hoping for a “for-good” kind of term. I was definitely willing to give her all that was necessary to keep her --- provided of course that she’d give me what I deserved.

And so I thought I fin’lly found the ONE. Approximately forty days ago, she came into my (our) lives like a dream come true. The first few days were slow as we attempted to get to know each other better first. Yup, we tried to decipher each other’s personalities, preferences, and behavior. Each and every day there were “minor” bouts of shoddiness but I consciously and willingly ignored those thinking I was just being judgmental – again. Then on Monday night, she dropped the bomb. She was leaving me --- too.

I was appalled. Her pronouncement was something I least expected. Not at this time when I have just showered her with gifts (and happy moments) just last Christmas and not when I am about to leave again for a week-long seminar out of town. Gosh. Her announcement was painful, offensive, and totally unexpected.

Of course I sought an explanation. She first revealed she’s already “tired” with all the tasks I’ve assigned her to do. I asked which task exactly overwhelmed her. She didn’t elaborate but pointed out instead how bad she feels everytime I scold her or call her attention over something (she claimed “trivial”).

For the first time I didn’t know what to say. I was stupefied. (Definitely not in a positive way.)

I thought I was doing well. I thought I was being kind, patient, understanding, considerate, cool, persevering, timid..but no. She made me feel I was none of those.

I have made a routine of her expected daily tasks which I posted on the ref door. Those tasks are something I myself perform when I don’t have a helper. Since we got her, she has never completed any of those enumerated tasks. I didn’t mind. Occasionally I would call her attention to details like having to clean the ref to constantly check on food which are to become stale soon. Well, she never did. She only cooked what she felt like. Her stews are always too salty and so I asked her to forego the salt when she uses Magic Sarap to avoid putting in excessive salt in the dish – only to be told that she’s frustrated that I don’t like her cooking.

But yes, perhaps I have had unfair demands against her. I expected her to be efficient when efficiency isn’t everybody’s skill. I have expected her to be spontaneous when I myself am a scatterbrain. I expected her to employ her “common sense” whenever doing even the most trivial task when she is just getting to know our household.

But I am still bothered and perplexed that she called me a blabbermouth. It was a description I just couldn’t take. It only meant she understood none of what I said. All those bantering and hearty-talks meant nothing to her because all that she recalled were the moments when I was mean to her.

This incident taught me a few helpful insights though:

1) I can never please everybody all the time. At first I felt bad about my kasambahay’s nasty remarks but come to think of it, why would I let someone like her murder my self-esteem? True, initially she made me feel like I was the worst criminal who ever walked this part of the planet..but heck, I know that isn’t true. Her statement, her opinion, her standards DO NOT DEFINE ME. Therefore, why must I get affected? Even good people “get dumped.” It’s a reality we all need to contend with.

2) The rule of thumb still applies: always treat others the way you want to be treated. But – there’s a catch right there – do not expect other people will always return the favor. Hence, we better be prepared by anticipating the unlikely.

3) A kasambahay is a want – not a need. I will not be miserable without a kasambahay just as many households thrived and became happy and prospered without a kasambahay doing all the house-chores. Others have done it. So can I. If I find one who will want to stay for keeps, Imma lucky gurl. Otherwise, I’m still a lucky gurl!

So yes, I got dumped by a kasambahay -- again. But I am still alright. My worries are non-existent and everyday can only get better,