18 months to Live

I just woke up from a dream. Its was nasty but everything seemed so real. In my dream, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was told I only had eighteen months to live.

Eighteen months.

My first reaction was denial.  I could not accept being so sick and having so short a time left to live.  What was going to happen to my family? What about my plan to take the bar? Then slowly, as the tension eased, I came to realize that yes, death is inevitable. Mine was coming soon but that doesn't mean I should live as if I were already dead.

And so in my dream I decided not to reveal the matter to my family. I decided to go with my plans, review and take the bar as scheduled at the same time make the most out of my remaining moments on earth.

It was painful to realize how quickly time was slipping away and how much I wanted to do so much more in so little time.  The list of "i wish i could's" flooded my mind. Oh if only I knew my life would be this short I would have done so much more.

Then I woke up.

I looked around and checked if my breast had the lump it had in my dream.  No it didn't.  Thank goodness I was just dreaming.  And thank goodness I am not sick.

On the other hand, I thank God so much for having given me such a nasty dream.  Today is the formal start of my intensive review for the bar.  I am scared, I am anxious, I am frantic.  But in my mind, I tell myself over and over again that this is going to be my last stake in life.  I will have to do my best.  I will have to put in my utmost effort and work harder than I ever did before in my entire life.

The Good Lord has been kind enough to shower me with so many inspirations. But mainly, I find so much inspiration from my family.

Everything is falling right into its place. Thank goodness I don't just have eighteen months to live.

Amen.

On Making (and Keeping) My New Year's Resolutions (GOALS for 2013)

Like many people, i have had my own attempts at making (and keeping) my New Year's resolution.  But yes, very much like the others too, i have often failed.  This year however, I have decided to prepare and write down specific goals which I would like to accomplish by this year.  I refuse to call them now New Year's Resolution.  I would like to call them instead, my GOALS for 2013. Speaking of which, somebody somewhere suggested that when making goals, it is important to consider the following:

1) It should be time-bound. A goal which is not time-bound is bound to be wasted.  I could for example declare I want to lose ten pounds but if i don't set a time within which to accomplish that goal, I could be fooling nobody but myself.  Lose ten pounds when? In a month? In ten weeks? In a year? To be time-bound means to be right on track.  To see to it that every single day, I inch my way towards my goal.  That is the only way I could ensure to progress.

2)  It should be specific. To be specific means to set concrete standards within which to measure one's progress.  If my goal is simply to lose weight without stating in concrete terms how much weight i would like to lose and in how much time, chances are, I could also be going astray.  And that is not something healthy.  Specific goals help us assess our progress in as much as keeping time-bound goals keep on on track.

3)  It should be attainable. I wish to be a multi-millionaire by the end of the year.  This is a time-bound as well as a specific kind of goal.  But is this attainable?  For an ordinary employee like me, this goal is so far-flung.  Unless I am an entrepreneur now enjoying my what, 2nd or 3rd year in my lucrative industry, i cannot fool myself into believing that this aspiration is even possible, much less, worth-contemplating.  I am not sure if this anecdote is true but i once came across an article about the actor Jim Carrey.  Many years ago, he was a newbie actor fighting his way to earn stints in Hollywood.  With all his dues and bills piling up, he almost gave up.  But he did not.  Instead, he wrote a million-dollar check to himself, put it in his pocket and told himself, "This is gonna be may paycheck two years from now." He went on to act and yes, earned the million-dollar paycheck he resolved to get.  To this day, he is one of the highest paid celebrities in Hollywood.

With those factors to consider, I came up with the following list of goals for this year:

1)  Lose at least 20 pounds by the end of the year.  I have a simple plan.  Each month, I can only target losing about two pounds.  If I firmly hold on to this goal in mind, by October this year, I should have lost all the weight I want to lose.  That means being back to my ideal weight of atleast 120lbs. Come the merry months of November to December where I will need to eat up a lot, I will have conditioned my body already into eating only what I need.  Crossing my fingers on this as my excess weight is already taking a toll on my lower limbs, my heart, and my over-all fitness.

2)  Study (because I am taking the Bar Exams this year -- again) according to schedule.  (With emphasis on the latter part of that statement.)  To check if I'm on track, i have specifically made schedule for the topics and the coverage.  I never had a well-established (read: impressive) study habit and so I always ended up reading and drowsing off as I read. One of my former classmates who is now a lawyer suggested I make a detailed schedule (topics with dates/period of studying) to know that I am able to cover the topics I need to cover within a specific period of time.  Doing this will assure me I am doing progress in my review. I have already made the schedule. I wish to give myself a month to check if I am able to stick to my sked.  Otherwise, I will devise another scheme.

3)  Save at least two thousand bucks every month.  Yes,  two thousand pesos is measly.  But if I am able to set aside atleast two thousand pesos every month, it will mean I'd have 24 thousand pesosEs by Christmas! Now that should be enough put a lovely grin on my face come New Year, dontcha think? If I could save up more, well, so much the better.  But meantime, I only target PhP2k.  

4)  Write atleast three blogposts per week.  No, there is no specific length.  And no, there is no specific topic either.  I know I will be busy but blogging will have to be my respite.  I can write short notes to myself, poems, whatever comes to mind.  Yes, I can also do some reviews! I know i won't run out of possible topics to write about...hence, i resolve to write -- more..

For now, these are the few goals I have in mind.  I hope that by the end of the year, when I read back this post, I will be able to tell myself, "Job well done Cheng. Job well done."

Happy New Year everyone! =)

Awesome Paz!

Meet Paz..my bubbly former student. She was my contestant for English Declamation around ten years ago. Our tandem was memorable because she was my first "big winner" in the local PRISAA. Having been champion then delivering a piece I wroteespecially for her.. She truly made me proud (as her victory made me discover my penchant for creative writing).  She fought many "battles" since then, (marriage and parenting included) but none was as hard as her battle with weight. All her life she was "big." Literally.

Then 3wks ago, she surprised me. We bumped into each other at a mall. And i couldn't believe I was staring at my favorite student... Paz wasn't the "big" lass I knew before..

She lost all her extra weight to metamorphose into this awesomeness of a state that is now. She "shrunk" into her current weight thru strict diet, rigid work-outs, and commendable discipline.

Mid-last week, i was shocked to learn her first-born died of dengue. The grieving Paz who was then getting ready for the 36th Milo Marathon decided to run -- still..even as her son was still being laid in a wake. She confides she had to run if only to momentarily release her grief...

It was to be her first running race ever...
And she placed 10th...in the half-marathon. Yes. She ran and finished 10th amongst the 12thousand or so runners who joined the Iloilo City leg of the Milo Marathon (21k category).

But the latest feather on her cap wasn't that Milo race yet. Because she's on this month's issue of Women' Health Magazine (p.49). Her journey to wellness and fitness is truly awe-spiring. I am soo thrilled!

So please grab a copy of the November issue of Women's Health mag...and be inspired.

Cheers to you Paz! You definitely make me proud. :-)

(l-r: she used to be 190lbs...now she's 127lbs...that's page49 of the November issue of Women's Health)

Two Became One

She had her share of broken hearts. 
She cried a lot but learned to start.
She believed that one day soon,

One will come and make her swoon.

He did.
And he didn't let her go.
He couldn't.
He didn't.

And off they went to tie the knot,
in our tiny garden they laid their oaths,
to keep each other,
to remain together,
to face forever,
and live happily, 

The Newly Weds

no matter what,
ever after.

Two became one.
Here's to Lanz and Dyan...

We pray they remain
Loyal and true to the vows they exchanged,
Because isn't that all it takes?
For the two to remain one, and for love to persist?

Everybody's Mama

A Band for Keeps

Finally, a band to call my own. :-)

It matters not where it's from,
Where it's been,
How it''s done,
The long sad years are all but gone...
because at long last,
the ring's in my hand. =)

Missing Teaching

Was buying water from the refill station when a guy in a motorcycle called out, "Ma'am Cheng!" I paused to look who it was. Of course I didn't recognize him but assumed he was a former student.  He got off his bike and we chitchatted while waiting for my water refill.  Told me he was so glad to see me after such a long time.  Found out he graduated six years ago and been in the army since then.  (Boy, it's been that long?! I suddenly felt old.)

Eversince I quit teaching a few years back, and old acquaintances ask me if I miss my former job, I would always respond no.  My present career(s) give me a sense of liberation which I never felt before in my former job as an 'esteemed university professor.' But that brief tête-à-tête with my former student made me realize that yes, teaching will always be special. It's an incomparable privilege...an understated role that creates a lot of impact upon the lives of young people. A teacher can become a significant influence in her students' dispositions.  A teacher can be unforgotten.  A teacher can leave an imprint in the souls of her students which, although unintended, remain there for keeps.  A teacher's legacy reverberates throughout eternity.. Sigh.

So if somebody asks me again if I miss teaching, I'd say yes. Most definitely.