Sorry Seems the Hardest Word..

Its been a year since the bloody Manila bus hostage siege.  And to many, the incident is but another story of case of senseless killings. Hapless murders happen everyday anywhere in the globe.  But for some reason, my heart does ache for this particular incident.. And I couldn't quite explain why.

The victims' families arrived the other day to commemorate the event and to reach out once more to the Philippine government in their attempt to seek justice for their love-ones.  Among their demands was a simple "apology" from President Aquino himself.  Such, they claim, is the least they deserve to assuage their grief.  To their dismay, Pres. Aquino vehemently refused to yield to such demand.

The victims' families on a short media conference held for them after they arrived in Manila to commemorate the Manila bus hostage incident a year ago. Image source.

The President explained that seeking apologies for what happened would connote that the state is taking responsibility for what happened.  He says that the incident should be attributed to the gunman alone and to nobody else. 

"This was the act of one man, in the same token that some of us citizens have been affected elsewhere in the world, we do not blame the entire population," Aquino said.

Sorry does remain to be the "hardest" word.  For a  man as principled and as important as the president of this country, "sorry" isn't just a word.  It speaks alot about his conviction.


On the contrary, I wish he said "sorry" instead.  Not to defeat himself nor assume full responsibility for what happened.  But as a human being, isn't it the least we can do even to total strangers?  We say sorry when no other utterance can enunciate the sympathy we feel for another's loss?

Nothing would suffice... No words. No tears. No fortune can ever fill the void left by another man. Even by those of total strangers.

So to them...

Image source.

...I send my deepest, sincerest apologies...

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

July was filled with rains.  And rains ushered August too.  While this may be the perfect time to sport the trendiest rain/cool weather gears, rain always brings so much inconvenience, anxiety, and distress in general.  A vessel sank middle of last week brought about by the perilous weather, my birthplace, Bicol was again castigated by the typhoons, many people have lost their homes in Olongapo after their houses (in popular subdivisions) were washed away by the mudslide.  Unhappy news is everywhere and all these came with the rain.

A few years ago, in June, a surprise disaster also struck our place.  Floodwaters inside our abode rose up to the waist level.  It happened on broad daylight without the rains.  All the areas which used to be considered "absolutely" flood free before were hit by the flashflood.  And while many lives were claimed, many lives were also wrecked.

In that flood, I have not lost much...only a few material things.  But what crushed my heart more was the hapless sight around me.  Residents of the plushiest subdivision lost to the flood many of their newest, priciest cars, appliances, clothes, etc.  The awesome furniture which used to adorn their lovely homes were also wrecked. Truly, we all become helpless when Mother Nature unleashes her wrath.

Over and over again, we've been told to always be prepared.  None of us knows what awaits in the future.  The cherished material possessions we have can be snatched away in a second -- and we will be left clinging only to that which matters the most:  our lives.  Many of those who lose much are those who have much.  Those who have few know exactly what to safeguard. 

Things happen for a reason.  But my heart still aches for those who have been hit by these various disasters. 

Tonight, as I go under my warm sheets, I shall whisper prayers for you.  I shall be grateful not only for the roof above my head, but for the reminder that constantly, I have much to thank God for, and even much more work to do to make this world, a little better.

So please go now Rain.. Go away!

In Retrospect

When I was a young child, I had lofty dreams.  I dreamed of a grand wedding, of a nice house with a huge garden, of an enormous library filled filled with the books I want, of a chic law office...  Of a law office.  I have always wanted to be a lawyer.  I cannot remember how young I was when I started day dreaming about being a trial attorney -- defending especially women's causes.  Thirty years after, here I am.   Sadly, none of those childhood dreams have come true yet.

Next week, I will be a year older and those dreams have not much changed.  So two nights ago (yes, just two nights ago), I made up my mind. I decided that I will keep inching my way to reach those childhood dreams.  Thanks to that inexplicable, unfathomable Power/ Force that roused me from a state of despondency.  So while I'm at it, I will persist.

At this point, I do not yearn for much anymore, save for that last item in my list.  That of being a lawyer.

No time to lose.  On with the fight.  I've a battle to win.

Making up my Mind

I made up my mind: I will conquer my fears.
No I am not strong, but being weak is never an option.

If I take the bar now, great odds are against me.
If I defer it, those great odds remain.
Plus two agonizing years of floating into nothingness.

There will be financial constraints. 
But bar or no bar,
financial constraints are always present.

Time is my greatest enemy right now.
But as it was said, "it's a matter of perspective."
Time can be my ally.

For now, I shall endeavor myself
into gathering all the positivity that I can collect.

I cannot afford to be weak,
I cannot afford to yield into negativity,
I cannot allow anxiety to defeat me.

So yes, I am making up my mind.
I will take the bar this year.
May the Good Lord bless me.

A Gnawing Barrenness

That's how it feels right now.  Although to contradict myself, I know success isn't about how I feel at the moment.


The results of my bar exams came yesterday and boy, twasn't very far from what I expected. But I was still shocked and deeply embarrassed nevertheless. And it got me thinking.  I seriously need to reassess my goals.


Law school was so hard.  But tackling the bar was even harder.  I can present every alibi I could think of but I know none would suffice.  The moment I resolved to take the bar, I know I should have prepared.  I know I could not afford to fail.  But I did.  And it hurts like hell.


But who am I to question my fate?  I know exactly what went wrong:  I did not prepare well.  Simply put, I wasn't ready.  And while I screamed reluctance, I went ahead.  Afterall, I've been told, "I CAN DO IT" the way I did in the past.


But the bar exams isn't like any other kind of exam.  In the same way that the legal profession isn't like any other kind of profession.  For many years now, the bar examiners seem to thrive in a "silent conspiracy" where the most that they allow to pass is only 30% (albeit rarely).  Compare this with other licensure exams in the country:   accountancy board had 40% of the takers pass, medical board exams almost 70%, and nurses' licensure exam had 41% passers.  Those who passed the bar I took was a handful 20.26% only despite the lowering of the passing rate from 75% to 72.5%!


So what happens to me now? Honestly, I am still in quandary.  I am pressed for time because for the first time since I took a leave from my job (when I was in my senior year at law school), I FEEL USELESS.  And the feeling has gone from bad to worse when I didn't pass the bar and when the results actually came out.

Life they say is all about taking risks.  I took a risk when I took the bar last year and failed.  But not many people realize how terrible, terrible getting back on track is.  It's painful.  It's a real struggle.

So here goes I...  

Reaching into nothingness.  

Perhaps beneath this gnawing barrenness, 

I will find my purpose again... 

(I still wanna be a lawyer.)

Mommy learns to Shoot

She learned to drive when she was forty and since then, Mom has had the "guts" to learn anything new.  Recently, she's learned yet another "interest" which she vows to pursue:  handling a gun.

It's ironic how a woman like her (now in her 50s) can have the strength and the will-power to learn a skill as essential as firing a gun (properly).  She recently acquired a new weapon, a sleek,  medium-size, straight blowback action, frame-fixed barrel handgun called, Makarov.

Photo Credit

The decision to acquire a gun was a result of a consensus amongst us, her daughters and finding one that would prove to be ideal for Mom was not a breeze.  Anyways, she found the Makarov and got it after 2-3 weeks from purchase (the processing of the license/permits took that long).  

My ecstatic Mom road tested her new toy and boy oh boy, she loved it and got trigger happy!

 Posing for posterity before her first try-outs.. The Queen and me. =)

And here is she unwrapping her new toy. See that giddy grin?  Who says these toys are only meant for big boys hence?

That's her name on top with the other info at the bottom of the package..

And these are the tools of the game:

Mom has to pretend those cardboards are actually big, bad wolves out to get us....

So she can get 'em right.

And here she is getting advice from the gurus..

And here's how she fared.....

Not bad for a neophyte, eh?

And here's what was left because she was trigger happy....

Cheap? Nah, Chic!

I am not much into fashion jewelry as years ago, I have sort've resigned into a state of complacency, doing away with items that hamper my carefree and somewhat awkward daily routine.  But as a woman, I do not succeed in repressing my "kikay"-ness all the time.  It is at times like these that I celebrate fanciness, pretty things, and lootfinds -- especially those that come C-H-E-A-P!

So when I saw these lovely things one day as I was looking for some new hair-accessories, my eyes popped, jaws dropped, and heart skipped -- nah ah! Twasn't so much for the fact that these were pretty but because they came in CHEAP!

Pardon me if I cannot help but overemphasize that.  But these lovely earrings are pretty indeed.  That's given.  But the better thing about them is their price...  Check 'em out!

This is the cheapest of the loot sold for only PhP18.  Yes.. Not sure how to call the material but its wood.  It's somewhat like a sandalwood because it has a faint smell of a wood.  I chose it over its darker alternative because the color seems to go with just about any outfit and goes from casual to chic.  It came in dark/mahogany brown and in plain white.

These two have the same design and are made of the same material.  I don't think these are made of real bronze although they look as pretty as the real thing.  The mother of pearl charms were either left alone or were tinted (above).  Both came with tiny specks of black beads.  I got 'em in plain and colored because I like the design so much.  And best of all, I paid only Php40 a pair.  Yes.  Less than a dollar. ;-)

The most "expensive" of the loot is this pair of yellow vintage-looking studs which I got for Php65.  Its the heaviest of the four but I find it the most flattering. The stones are made of plastic and the finish of the entire thing is silver.  The rhinestones are minimal making this pair suitable for day or night.

Do the math and marvel at my loot. Lol. I'm kidding.  I still get ecstatic when I look at 'em.  Truly, treasures like these lurk at the most unexpected places (in my case, at a small stall in a quaint building downtown).  Of course prettier things are at the mall.  But plush boutiques sell them double/triple the price at which I found them.

Here's how I wore 'em..

On a lunch date.

And on a dinner with friends.

So go ahead...call 'em cheap.  I'll still call them --- CHIC.  

Uber Chic!  ;-)