The
bar results for the October 2012 bar are finally out. My best pal didn't
make it. Oh tragedy of tragedies. Not making it for the second time
around is more painful than not making it the first time. I saw how much
he studied. Struggling to meet his study schedule while working at the
same time wasn't an easy feat. But in those four October weekends when he
packed up his stuff to leave for the Bar Exam Sunday, he was incredible.
He attributes his
failure to three factors only. One, his lack of preparation as he was
balancing a career and reviewing at the same time. Two, too much
distraction caused by uhm, his personal affairs. And lastly, it just wasn't his
time -- yet.
I came to realize
that no matter how seemingly prepared one is, there is still no way of being
certain that he is already "prepared" for the bar. I have had
classmates who studied long hours every day until the bar month and yet, they
didn't make it. Did they study the wrong material? Or did they not
absorb what they read simply? What could be the reason?
True,
many of those who pursue law studies are just not meant to become lawyers. As with any other profession, students pursue
a course they (or their parents) badly want for them without realizing they
potentials lie elsewhere. Personally, I
do not see myself being a non-lawyer. Perhaps, mine is just a foolish
hallucination for some but really, all that I could think of becoming was having
that coveted “ATTY” to my name. Yet, why
does that seem sooo elusive?
My own review is
painstaking. I struggle every single time to get my eyes glued to the
material i am supposed to cover -- to no avail. I just couldn't focus!
I feel guilty because time is passing by very very swiftly and yet, I
have not gone far in my studies at all!
Now issues
are cropping up and there are more distractions coming along my way. One thing, I am seriously contemplating about
going back to a full-time career. How
terrible is that? But I know of many who
passed the bar while working at the same time so I guess, if luck is on my
side, I will be able to make it too.
I need a
serious contemplation. Or perhaps, a firmer
disposition. I cannot spend the rest of
my lifetime as a non-lawyer. Yes, it
does mean EVERYTHING to me. Who was it
who said, Ïf you want something you’ve never had before, be willing to do
something you have never done before.”
I guess that
sums it all up. Afterall, in my most
honest state of self-introspect, I know I just haven’t done my best -- yet. So for as long as I remain indolent, my childhood
aspiration will continue to elude me.
It does hurt
to get a strike two. And in my case, I
so much dread a strike three.
