Nurturing the Spirit of Christmas

From a distance I saw hands waving, as if beckoning us to come nearer. Then, more hands emerged from the cells… but looking closely, I realized they were actually signs of dirty fingers. My disappointment was increasing, and my OH MY GOD! My Christmas cheer was suddenly drowned in the yells and screams of the inmates.

This was the scene that greeted us more than 10 years ago when one Christmas my mother decided that we go to the rehabilitation center to share the little that we have to the inmates..

I was teary-eyed. I have vehemently protested to the idea that we spend our Christmas there. Yuckkk! The idea, albeit noble, did not appeal to me or to my sisters. But mom insisted that we see Christmas in the eyes of the men and women whose lives have been blemished with crime, whose eyes have been dimmed by frustrations, whose manhood have been scarred by anger and whose hope have been killed by despair.  Will they ever feel the Christmas spirit?

The nasty remarks became louder as we approached them. It was as if it was the first time they get to see “outsiders” after many days of their confinement. They insinuated lust, greed, and thrill -- as if we could finally quench their hunger for that which quite seemed hard to decipher…

My heart went heavy, heavier than the loads of gift my hands were carrying and I am sure, my sisters felt the same or even worse.

The gift giving was an ordeal for us, trying to smile despite our disdain. No, it wasn’t disdain. We loathed it!!! And all those things did not pass unnoticed by Mom, who herself tried to expedite the activity so that we could leave the place as soon as we can.

Upon returning home, we confronted Mom regarding the risk she took for bringing us there.  Amidst the arrogant and rude prisoners, we did not see the spirit of giving or of Christmas.  For when one is assaulted, how can the essence of giving and sharing be felt?

Mom’s reply was simple: if we only love the lovable, that doesn’t make us distinct.

More than a decade had passed and now I work for the reconciliation of people who are divided by their claims of justice or by the assertion of their rights as a Court Annexed Mediator.  I still sigh at the thought of a broken friendship because of a check that bounced or a nasty gossip relayed. I get sad when siblings cannot agree on their inheritance and insist instead on breaking their family ties.  And I am further dismayed when I meet a parent accused for stealing something so she could feed her children.

Then I have come to realize that many of us languish in self-imposed prisons.  For we may be surrounded by people but feel completely alone.  Like those detainees in prison, we find ourselves subjected to undue discrimination, to painful debasement, to harsh and cruel judgment. In the real world, no quantum of evidence is necessary to prove our guilt.  People can be mean.  We become guilty as charged.

At times like these, my thoughts go back to that Christmas morn spent in the penitentiary.  If we love only the lovable, what does that make us? If we shun the world because we feel it owes us a lot, how do we get to see the very reason why God sent His Only Son?

Each of us is significant. Lovable or not before the eyes of men, we are all lovable before the eyes of our Creator.  God does not discriminate.  He even sent His Only Child so we may be saved.  We are THAT significant – to Him. 

The Christmas Spirit is here to stay – because as constant as the rising sun, God’s love for us is also constant.  May that knowledge guide us to doing what we can to spell a beautiful difference in each other’s lives.  Afterall, we all affect each other.  For as John Donne wrote,

“No man is an island,

Entire of itself.

Each is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main…

…for I am involved in the mankind.

…therefore, send not to know,

for whom the bells toll,

It tolls for thee.”

Happy Christmas everyone!

Nota Bene: This article was written for the Christmas Newsletter of our parish, the St. Michael the Archangel Parish.  Such newsletter is yet to come out sometime this month.  I am posting it here in my blog for posterity and reference.

For Mama

Every Christmas, Mama (my grand-aunt) takes time to make our Belen (tableau) at home.  A perpetual bachelorette, she has devoted much of her life serving the church any way she can.  I grew up to finding her spend many late nights decorating our parish church for Christmas (and yes, also for the Holy Week).  Year after year, she intricately designed the tableau at the altar of our tiny parish.  And every morning, at the dawn masses, she would proudly point to us her work in progress.  True enough, on Christmas day, Mama feels like a celebrant herself, as people flock to the church to pay respects to the Baby Jesus who rests comfortably on the crib which Mama painstakingly made, designed, and decorated.

Now a nonagenarian, Mama cannot see anymore.  But she still gushes at the thought that we have maintained her tradition of a Belen showcasing the Baby Jesus (from Vatican) given to her by a nun-friend many, many years ago. She nags knowing I have yet to make a sash with “Gloria In Excelsis Deo” on it to be hung at the Belen.  And at dawn, we still awake to find her saying her rosary in front of such tableau.

While Christmas may be the season to celebrate the birth of Jesus, I am more inclined to thinking of this season to celebrate the unconditional love we each receive from the people around us. I believe it is the essence of Christ’s birth – God’s unconditional love for humanity and Christ’s unconditional love for His Divine Father which prompted Him to surrender Himself completely to His Will.

Mama is one such woman.  Albeit bereft of a spousal love, she has deviated from the usual spinster-stereotype of a resentful, indignant woman.  She was never bitter about marriage even when her own favorite niece’s marriage didn’t work.   She is all-giving, and maintained a happy and spontaneous disposition even in her old age.  When she was still more mobile, she roamed the houses of her godchildren even  in the far barrios, to greet them on Christmas morning and give her simple present o f a toy or a shirt.  And she found such task undaunting even when it entailed having to collect our very own stock of groceries at home to give to her “less-fortunate” godchildren and friends.

Mama’s simplicity, generosity, and faithfulness continue to stir all those who know her.  She relishes the unexpected visits of friends, grieves silently at the death of another, and vows to pray for the fast recovery of an ailing amiga.  She still sets aside a cracker or a slice of bread to give to an apo who comes to her seeking to be consoled.  And she spends hours and hours and hours each day mumbling her prayers to each of the Saint she maintains in her collection. She explains that those Saints(all of which were given to her as gifts) were given to her for a divine reason. And the least she can do is pay respects to them by praying for them individually. 

She has not let her frail body and bare vision corrupt her disposition to continually spread good cheer to all who surround her.  She eagerly anticipates the Minister who gives her communion every Sunday.  She sits by her grotto and finds a calm delight caressing Mama Mary’s hands. All these she does with complete awareness that she has reached the twilight of her years.

We are glad to have one such woman in our midst.  This Christmas, we bask in the love that can only come from God’s eternal love for us – and for Mama’s unconditional love for us, unwavering faith in the good of all, and her steadfast dedication to the Church. 

Merry Christmas Mama. You are God's gift to us.

Ressurected

Its been a while.  Thanking God I'm back.  

Hoping to hang out here more often henceforth.

=)

Milo Marathon 2011 (Iloilo City Leg)

The starting line was infront of WVSU
along Luna, La Paz.

Twas the day we swam ran in a sea of green. Milo Marathon is the biggest, longest, and perhaps, the grandest running event in the country.  We chose to join the 5km - Fun Run as the more serious categories (10k and 21k respectively) were out of our league.  I hardly jog, nor do I engage in any fitness activity (ain't it obvious?heheh..)

The little boy who was up by 3am
just to be sure he gets to the race on time.

The sea of green filling Bonifacio Drive.

Crossing the bridge leading to the Sports Complex
 (the finish area).

Isn't that long stretch of people filling Gen. Luna St lovely?

Walking the climb isn't as hard when there's thousands
of green-Milo clad crowd to make everything fun.

Descending the Gen.Luna flyover--thousands and thousands of happy feet.

It was such a fun event (my first time) because for the record, Iloilo City registered more than 12thousand runners -- the biggest number of participants outside Manila! That means more kids are going to get more running shoes as Milo undertakes to donate a portion of the registration fee (which was 100pesos for the fun-run category, 500pesos for the 10k and 21k categories) to buy shoes for kids in public schools.

With former PBB housemate Tatang Rudy Fernandez,
himself a  fan of sports events like this.

Running Coah Rio de la Cruz was also there to grace  the event (he is a Milo Marathon coordinator).

Among the many side activities were Nutrition Consultation like these (with a certified Nutritionist giving advice on proper nutrition, and necessary lifestyle changes).

Most of those who joined were school delegates.  But friends and cliques also came in throngs.  Families with school age kids also joined the swarm along with very many yuppies who sported their chicest running gears and gadgets.

Running the last mile towards the finish line.

...and finally making it.

..to be able to claim this coveted Finisher's Certificate
-- with pride.

Finishers in all categories got to receive a certificate but those who finished the 10k and 21k especially in 1.5hrs were also given medals.

Those who finished the half-marathon (21k) within 1.5hrs
 were given their medals.
See? No such thing as senior citizen
when it comes to doing "great things"! =)

Its heart-warming to realize how simple things (in my case, ditching my pessimism and longer snoozetime for some fun Sunday run) can make us savor life's many blessings... Like the breathtaking view of the sea of green -- the Milo singlet-clad crowd who happily filled the streets of our quaint little city, one fine Sunday morn.

And because "great things start from small beginnings," I vow to put my fuchsia trainers to more work -- one small step at a time. ;-) So perhaps I could join the full marathon (at 41k) when I'm 41? Heheh. Who knows? =)

On Changing my Religion

"If I had to change my religious beliefs, I would not marry the person that I love because the first person that I love is God who created me and I have my faith and my principles and this is what makes me who I am. And if that person loves me, he should love my God too."

Image Source

                                                  -Miss Universe 2011 3rd Runner-Up, Shamcey Supsup's answer when asked by pageant judge, Vivica Fox if she would change her religion to marry the man she loves.

Shamcey delivered her answer with full conviction.  And she was impressive.  All throughout the pageantry, she has been very vocal in expressing her faith.  I cannot help but admire her.

I on the other hand, would choose to take the opposite stand: that of changing my religion to marry the man I love.  Religion, to me, is just a label.  I'd like to think all men share a common faith. So changing a religion could not be synonymous with rejecting my faith in the Great Almighty.  No religion is ever complete.  Neither is there any that would guarantee eternal salvation.  But love -- in its truest and purest sense -- is always good.  It is the greatest neutralizer.  The ultimate healer.  The essence of our earthly existence.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is the dialogue of Ruth and Naomi:

When Naomi heard in Moab that the LORD had come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there. ⁷ With her two daughters-in-law she left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah.
 ⁸ Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the LORD show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. ⁹ May the LORD grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.”
   Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud ¹⁰ and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.”
 ¹¹ But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? ¹² Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— ¹³ would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the LORD’s hand has turned against me!”
 ¹⁴ At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her.
 ¹⁵ “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.”
 ¹⁶ But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” ¹⁸ When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.

Ruth embraced Naomi's faith -- perhaps because of a great inexplicable force that also guided her.  Kahlil Gibran, the great Lebanese writer wrote in his book, "The Prophet":

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."  And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

I take pride in Shamcey's victory. And I adore her straight forward answer at the question-and-answer part. She did us all very proud.  I delight in being a citizen of this mostly Catholic country.  But like her, I share my thoughts...

For when "love beckons, I eagerly follow."  Although yes, his ways may be hard and steep...

Rainbow Connection

'Twas drizzling lightly one afternoon (half past 5 already) when I chanced upon this lovely sight:

Yes. Rainbow! For the first time in a long time, I have not had the privilege of seeing a rainbow.  And this is the first time I was actually able to capture its image.

Ahh..breathtaking!

All of a sudden, I realized how mundane my existence has been the past many years now.  When I was a kid, I have always been thrilled at the sight of the rainbow.  When adult life started taking its toll on me, I began to shift my attention to more "serious" things.  And what did it make of me? One mundane existence -- one bereft of simple joys such as..well, seeing a rainbow!  What went wrong?  Was I too distracted (like those ugly cable wires dangling, and old cityscape tainting the beautiful scenic sky)?  Or was my focus elsewhere?

I am now in my mid-30s and on my last birthday, I did heave a sigh of meek sadness and despair.  I've come a long way in this rat-race existence but no, I'm not exactly FULFILLED.

Perhaps, its about time I slow down a bit...to smell the roses and yes, notice rainbows as breathtaking as this...

Afterall, didn't they say life begins at 40 yet? ;-)

On Being a "Boxer"..

Nah, I don't mean, be like Manny Pacquiao.  Many men take pride in having a "boxer" for a wife.  And its not because she is more physically fit than others.  In fact, a "boxer" wife is one who is able to maintain a healthy bank account.  Why?  A "boxer" wife is able to get a good "grip" of her family's finances.  She'd never spend for anything unnecessary and sees to it that she has the cash to spend when the need arises.

For most of us, we fail, miserably, in handling our finances quite well.  It's one the most (if not by far, the MOST) important areas that we need to master in order to survive. But sadly, its a skill only few manage to hone and develop. 

I was looking at an article about the common reasons why marriages fail and the five reasons it presented are:

1. Unrealistic Expectations
2. Fear of Intimacy
3. Marrying too Soon
4. Lack of Communication
5. Lack of Trust.

While the article went on to explain each of these factors, it dawned on me all of a sudden that all those elements manifest themselves in one's inability to well, handle his/her finances.  When we have unrealistic expectations for example, we spend our money before we actually earn it.  Which is why, many drown in their credit card bills. 

The fear of intimacy also applies to financial matters.  By holding back on what we want, we mislead our partner.  I know of many married friends who are "afraid" to disclose to their husband that they want to buy this or that but end up buying it anyway, so much so that the husband, unwary that a purchase was made at his expense, ends up feeling duped. 

Marrying too soon could also indicate that one plunged into the marriage bandwagon without acquiring the necessary skills to survive a married-state.  One such skill is budgeting.  Running a household without a budget can have disastrous effects.  So for one who has not yet earned enough financial aptitude to live a state of normalcy, teaming up with one who has the skill can be a make-or-break affair.  The skillful can certainly train the unskilled, but what if the partnership is one where both of whom are unskilled? Disaster!

On the otherhand, lack of communication may well be the culprit not just for breakup of many marriages but for many misunderstandings in general.  A child who doesn't/couldn't explain why she needs a raise in allowance is most certainly not going to get that raise.  A husband who deliberately witholds a huge chunk of his salary inorder to get the gadget he is eying without explaining such need to his wife is guaranteed to get a good nagging.

And lastly, lack of trust can also translate to lack of self-confidence.  A confident person doesn't need to feed his ego with luxurious purchases to feel good about himself.  For one, a person who is buried in debt can hardly rest.  And peace of mind isn't sold anywhere.  By trusting ourselves enough to establish our confidence not on our material possessions but in the knowledge that we known where we're heading, we end up having happier, healthier relationships.


The bottom line in this litany is: we need to safeguard our finances at all times.  By holding on to our cash when we are tempted to spend (especially when such expenditure is totally unnecessary) we are able to keep our bank accounts healthy.

We can all train to become our own ideal "boxer."  No dog is too old to learn such a  trick skill.

0309

Thank you Lord for this day..


Thank you dear Father for making this day
really, truly, special...
Eight years ago,
until forever.


This world,
because of Him,
is so much better.

Welcoming December...in September!

Hello September!  I welcome you December -- yes, though you aren't here yet. In my household, the Christmas Tree springs back to life on the first day of the "-ber" month. Yes, to herald the coming Christmas Season.. Oh nevermind if there are yet many other holidays in tow.  As soon as the first day of September comes, I can't help but be giddy. Yipee!

My little Christmas Tree -- resurrected! 

A wonderful birthday is coming right up....! ;-)

No Shortcuts ---!

No shortcuts! That's how Monsignor explained the gist of today's gospel reading.  I did not intend for this blog to be "religious" or anything of that sort.  But after hearing the essence of this passage, I decided to write about it just so it won't fade into the recesses of my brain (again).

Today's Gospel came from   Mt 16:21-27

²¹ From then onwards Jesus began to make it clear to his disciples that he was destined to go toJerusalem and suffer grievously at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes and to be put to death and to be raised up on the third day.

²² Then, taking him aside, Peter started to rebuke him. 'Heaven preserve you, Lord,' he said, 'this must not happen to you.'

²³ But he turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle in my path, because you are thinking not as God thinks but as human beings do.'

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me.

²⁵ Anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake willfind it.

²⁶ What, then, will anyone gain by winning the whole world and forfeiting his life? Or what can anyone offer in exchange for his life?

²⁷ 'For the Son of man is going to come in the glory of his Father with his angels, and then hewill reward each one according to his behaviour.

Monsignor began to talk about how ironic Jesus' treatment of Peter is after praising him last week.  (...Jesus replied, 'Simon son of Jonah, you are a blessed man! Because it was no human agency that revealed this to you but my Father in heaven.

¹⁸ So I now say to you: You are Peter and on this rock I will build my community. And the gates of the underworld can never overpower it.

¹⁹ I will give you the keys of the kingdom of Heaven: whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.', Mt 16:17-19) While Peter obviously became vulnerable like most of us, the essence of Jesus' remark was His preference to perform things properly according to the will of His Father.  He refused to go through "shortcuts."

For many of us, we bypass bureaucracy and hence succumb to bribery to get our transactions done -- fast and hassle-free.  We try to achieve power and position to provide ease and security -- at the expense of others of course.  We'd rather pay for convenience than go through the rigors of labor and sacrifice to get something we want -- be it food, recognition, protection, etc.  Oh, we are even willing to kick some *ss just to feed our bloated egos...  Nobody wanted to be trampled upon.  Everybody wants to be on top.  In the front line.  In charge.

But not Jesus.  Not the Son of God.

He welcomed the opportunity to suffer and die for our sake.  He obeyed His Father without any protest.  He did not want shortcuts in order to save us.  He, the Only Son of the Almighty, who was very much in the position to beg and convince His Father to spare Him from the agonies that awaited Him chose to submit Himself to the Will of His Father.

He could have opted for a shortcut and reaped a seat immediately beside His Father in Heaven.  But if He did, then this...

Source

...would have been completely become meaningless.  And we ---would not have been -----moved.

Sorry Seems the Hardest Word..

Its been a year since the bloody Manila bus hostage siege.  And to many, the incident is but another story of case of senseless killings. Hapless murders happen everyday anywhere in the globe.  But for some reason, my heart does ache for this particular incident.. And I couldn't quite explain why.

The victims' families arrived the other day to commemorate the event and to reach out once more to the Philippine government in their attempt to seek justice for their love-ones.  Among their demands was a simple "apology" from President Aquino himself.  Such, they claim, is the least they deserve to assuage their grief.  To their dismay, Pres. Aquino vehemently refused to yield to such demand.

The victims' families on a short media conference held for them after they arrived in Manila to commemorate the Manila bus hostage incident a year ago. Image source.

The President explained that seeking apologies for what happened would connote that the state is taking responsibility for what happened.  He says that the incident should be attributed to the gunman alone and to nobody else. 

"This was the act of one man, in the same token that some of us citizens have been affected elsewhere in the world, we do not blame the entire population," Aquino said.

Sorry does remain to be the "hardest" word.  For a  man as principled and as important as the president of this country, "sorry" isn't just a word.  It speaks alot about his conviction.


On the contrary, I wish he said "sorry" instead.  Not to defeat himself nor assume full responsibility for what happened.  But as a human being, isn't it the least we can do even to total strangers?  We say sorry when no other utterance can enunciate the sympathy we feel for another's loss?

Nothing would suffice... No words. No tears. No fortune can ever fill the void left by another man. Even by those of total strangers.

So to them...

Image source.

...I send my deepest, sincerest apologies...

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

July was filled with rains.  And rains ushered August too.  While this may be the perfect time to sport the trendiest rain/cool weather gears, rain always brings so much inconvenience, anxiety, and distress in general.  A vessel sank middle of last week brought about by the perilous weather, my birthplace, Bicol was again castigated by the typhoons, many people have lost their homes in Olongapo after their houses (in popular subdivisions) were washed away by the mudslide.  Unhappy news is everywhere and all these came with the rain.

A few years ago, in June, a surprise disaster also struck our place.  Floodwaters inside our abode rose up to the waist level.  It happened on broad daylight without the rains.  All the areas which used to be considered "absolutely" flood free before were hit by the flashflood.  And while many lives were claimed, many lives were also wrecked.

In that flood, I have not lost much...only a few material things.  But what crushed my heart more was the hapless sight around me.  Residents of the plushiest subdivision lost to the flood many of their newest, priciest cars, appliances, clothes, etc.  The awesome furniture which used to adorn their lovely homes were also wrecked. Truly, we all become helpless when Mother Nature unleashes her wrath.

Over and over again, we've been told to always be prepared.  None of us knows what awaits in the future.  The cherished material possessions we have can be snatched away in a second -- and we will be left clinging only to that which matters the most:  our lives.  Many of those who lose much are those who have much.  Those who have few know exactly what to safeguard. 

Things happen for a reason.  But my heart still aches for those who have been hit by these various disasters. 

Tonight, as I go under my warm sheets, I shall whisper prayers for you.  I shall be grateful not only for the roof above my head, but for the reminder that constantly, I have much to thank God for, and even much more work to do to make this world, a little better.

So please go now Rain.. Go away!

In Retrospect

When I was a young child, I had lofty dreams.  I dreamed of a grand wedding, of a nice house with a huge garden, of an enormous library filled filled with the books I want, of a chic law office...  Of a law office.  I have always wanted to be a lawyer.  I cannot remember how young I was when I started day dreaming about being a trial attorney -- defending especially women's causes.  Thirty years after, here I am.   Sadly, none of those childhood dreams have come true yet.

Next week, I will be a year older and those dreams have not much changed.  So two nights ago (yes, just two nights ago), I made up my mind. I decided that I will keep inching my way to reach those childhood dreams.  Thanks to that inexplicable, unfathomable Power/ Force that roused me from a state of despondency.  So while I'm at it, I will persist.

At this point, I do not yearn for much anymore, save for that last item in my list.  That of being a lawyer.

No time to lose.  On with the fight.  I've a battle to win.

Making up my Mind

I made up my mind: I will conquer my fears.
No I am not strong, but being weak is never an option.

If I take the bar now, great odds are against me.
If I defer it, those great odds remain.
Plus two agonizing years of floating into nothingness.

There will be financial constraints. 
But bar or no bar,
financial constraints are always present.

Time is my greatest enemy right now.
But as it was said, "it's a matter of perspective."
Time can be my ally.

For now, I shall endeavor myself
into gathering all the positivity that I can collect.

I cannot afford to be weak,
I cannot afford to yield into negativity,
I cannot allow anxiety to defeat me.

So yes, I am making up my mind.
I will take the bar this year.
May the Good Lord bless me.

A Gnawing Barrenness

That's how it feels right now.  Although to contradict myself, I know success isn't about how I feel at the moment.


The results of my bar exams came yesterday and boy, twasn't very far from what I expected. But I was still shocked and deeply embarrassed nevertheless. And it got me thinking.  I seriously need to reassess my goals.


Law school was so hard.  But tackling the bar was even harder.  I can present every alibi I could think of but I know none would suffice.  The moment I resolved to take the bar, I know I should have prepared.  I know I could not afford to fail.  But I did.  And it hurts like hell.


But who am I to question my fate?  I know exactly what went wrong:  I did not prepare well.  Simply put, I wasn't ready.  And while I screamed reluctance, I went ahead.  Afterall, I've been told, "I CAN DO IT" the way I did in the past.


But the bar exams isn't like any other kind of exam.  In the same way that the legal profession isn't like any other kind of profession.  For many years now, the bar examiners seem to thrive in a "silent conspiracy" where the most that they allow to pass is only 30% (albeit rarely).  Compare this with other licensure exams in the country:   accountancy board had 40% of the takers pass, medical board exams almost 70%, and nurses' licensure exam had 41% passers.  Those who passed the bar I took was a handful 20.26% only despite the lowering of the passing rate from 75% to 72.5%!


So what happens to me now? Honestly, I am still in quandary.  I am pressed for time because for the first time since I took a leave from my job (when I was in my senior year at law school), I FEEL USELESS.  And the feeling has gone from bad to worse when I didn't pass the bar and when the results actually came out.

Life they say is all about taking risks.  I took a risk when I took the bar last year and failed.  But not many people realize how terrible, terrible getting back on track is.  It's painful.  It's a real struggle.

So here goes I...  

Reaching into nothingness.  

Perhaps beneath this gnawing barrenness, 

I will find my purpose again... 

(I still wanna be a lawyer.)

Mommy learns to Shoot

She learned to drive when she was forty and since then, Mom has had the "guts" to learn anything new.  Recently, she's learned yet another "interest" which she vows to pursue:  handling a gun.

It's ironic how a woman like her (now in her 50s) can have the strength and the will-power to learn a skill as essential as firing a gun (properly).  She recently acquired a new weapon, a sleek,  medium-size, straight blowback action, frame-fixed barrel handgun called, Makarov.

Photo Credit

The decision to acquire a gun was a result of a consensus amongst us, her daughters and finding one that would prove to be ideal for Mom was not a breeze.  Anyways, she found the Makarov and got it after 2-3 weeks from purchase (the processing of the license/permits took that long).  

My ecstatic Mom road tested her new toy and boy oh boy, she loved it and got trigger happy!

 Posing for posterity before her first try-outs.. The Queen and me. =)

And here is she unwrapping her new toy. See that giddy grin?  Who says these toys are only meant for big boys hence?

That's her name on top with the other info at the bottom of the package..

And these are the tools of the game:

Mom has to pretend those cardboards are actually big, bad wolves out to get us....

So she can get 'em right.

And here she is getting advice from the gurus..

And here's how she fared.....

Not bad for a neophyte, eh?

And here's what was left because she was trigger happy....